SCENE 1
The Kitchen

GUESTS: Marsha Brown, Alton's Sister
             Elton Brown, Alton's Nephew

    Few food phenomenon are as fascinating as the parent-child mealtime dynamic. If you have a kid or a parent in the house, you’ll no doubt recognize this discourse.

MARCH BROWN: Eat your peas.
ELTON BROWN: I don’t like peas.
MB: You liked them the last time I made them for you.
EB: No I didn’t. I hate peas.
MB: Do you that there are children in Ethiopia who are starving?
EB: Then send them my peas.
MB: Do you what it takes for me to put dinner on this table every night?
EB: Do you know how hard I have to chew to swallow it?
MB: [very angrily] Why you little ...
AB: Okay hold it, hold it. Thank you, wonderful demonstration, really.
MB & EB: [both beam with delight]

    Very very realistic, don’t you think?

AB: Let’s get those peas out of there. Those things smell horrible.

    You know as they get older and adopt the modern American mobile mentality, things get even worse.

EB: I gotta go Mom.
MB: Aren’t you going to eat your breakfast?
EB: No, I’ll pick up a Big Whomp at Burger Bop. [exits]

    Before you know it, they disappear into the world without a clue as how to feed themselves which is why they so often fall prey to prepared meal replacement drive-through styrofoam encased garbage. Can this be avoided? Of course, it can, but only if you’re willing to cook and eat with your kids.

MB: [is standing behind AB, snickers]
AB: What?
EB: Well, Pacman’s older than I am.
AB: All right then Frogger.
MB: Oh!

    It’ll make them better people. You’ll get more quality family time and if you train them right, by the ripe old age fourteen or fifteen, they’ll be cooking dinner for you. Where do you start? [indicates to MB]

MB: Oh right ... why, soup. Everybody loves soup, especially when properly garnished.

    Soup is delicious and nutritious and soup making is one of the bedrock skills of the the kitchen world. All you need is a few decent tools, a little know how, a humble handful of ingredients, and a smidgen of patience to turn your kids into cooks and just about any soup into ...

SCENE 2
A Campsite in the Woods; Night

   You know, fire may get top billing on the list man’s big culinary breakthroughs, but flames didn’t really reach their full potential until they teamed up with water. That’s because water’s capable of carrying not only heat but flavor and nutrients. Now, nobody knows who actually came up with the idea of cooking in water, but we do know that man was taking soup orders before he actually had a pot to make it in.
    For instance, in Neolithic Scotland, they used to stretch animal skins over camp fires like a big, kind of, animal bowl they fill that with water and do their cooking. Surprisingly, the skins would not catch on fire because the water inside kept them cool enough to avoid combustion.
    Now in other parts of the world, they may skip the fire and move it away and fill skins or adobe-lined holes with water and then just move hot rocks from the fire to the water. As long as you have hot rocks, you would have boiling water. Luckily, today we have pots and pans. Of course, finding the right one of those can be a challenge too.

SCENE 3
A Restaurant Supply Store

EB: Just go
AB: One day, believe it or not, you’re going to find that this invaluable information and you’re going to thank me.
EB: Pffft. I doubt that.
AB: Okay, here we go. The modern kitchenware store is a veritable jungle of choices.
EB: [under his breath to the three girls passing by] Oh hello there, how are you doing?
AB: You know if want to catch one of those one day, you’ll pay attention. Because you’ve got to be able to cook up some bait. Okay? Now as I was saying, when you come in here, you’d better be focused or you’re going to loose your way. Whenever I come, I always write a list. Not only of the items that I’m shopping for but of the individual attributes that I’m looking for, okay?
EB: [battery light and buzzer go off on the camera] Hey, Unc, ...
AB: Just ... Okay, first up when you’re looking for a soup pot, size is important. Okay, now they come in a wide range of sizes from little bitty six quart sizes guys up to fifty quart. But I really like a ten quart soup pot.
EB: Oh, hello, come to Papa. Yeah. Hello.
AB: Hey hormone boy, you wanna stay with me here? Now let’s talk about shape. Soup pot shape, okay. I like a narrow pot, okay. Narrow enhances convection flow through the pot. It keeps the food—more of the food—submerged and it limits evaporation, okay. And narrow pots are also nice because even a pot this size, you could cook a small amount of liquid, say two quarts, because it doesn’t spread out too much on the bottom.
EB: Um, I’ve got a problem here ...
AB: Just let me finish ...
EB: Hey come on. You’ve got ... [sighs]
AB: Next up, materials. Materials, very important. I like to see a stainless steel vessel, okay? It’s not to heavy. But I want a nice heavy slab or sandwich of metal on the bottom to help the heat radiate out across the bottom of the pot. Now this metal would be to thin. This metal’s nice ...
EB: [warning buzzer goes off again] I need to ...
AB: Just let me finish. I’m almost done.
EB: You ...
AB: Here, okay?
EB: No.
AB: Next up, let’s talk about handles. Handles are a very important attribute. They need to be big, not only on the pot itself but on the lid. That way you can pick them up, you’ve got your mitts on.
EB: The battery ... it’s going to ...
AB: I’m almost done, don’t interrupt. You want the lid to be very well seating, okay? Very, very sturdy and ... [screen goes to static]

Prior to the invention of the soupspoon in the
14th century, soup was drunk directly from the bowl.

SCENE 4
Grocery Store [Harry's Farmers Market]

AB: Okay, I’m going to handle the camera this time, just in case you get distracted again.
EB: Whatever.
AB: Now when it comes to vegetable soup, I like to use whatever is fresh and tasty looking.
EB: You mean, pretty is good?
AB: Well, pretty is only part of it, but yeah pretty is nature’s way of saying, ‘Hey animals, eat me up!’ Ha, ha, ha, ha. What?
EB: Nothing, go on.
AB: Okay, by and large, all produce should be heavier than it looks like it ought to be. Feel that ear of corn. Oh, by the way, that tassel at the end always be moist and kind of sticky. Now things like celery and carrots and beans should always be bright in color and they should be rather turgid.
EB: What does turgid mean?
AB: Well it means that their snappy, okay. Floppiness is sign of being old. Even color’s a good sign too. Oh, we’re going to need two pounds of those. Check out these tomatoes. Ah, you see the deep color that goes all the way up to the top. This is a good sign. And give it a feel. Like all ripe fruit, that tomato’s got just a little bit of give.
EB: I thought that tomatoes were vegetables.
AB: Well, the Supreme Court thinks so, too. But the truth is botanically, they are one hundred percent fruits. Oh, now, check out these leeks, there’s a good lesson here. Whenever you see something that’s got a green top, those tops should be crisp and green and clean. And check out the roots. If there are any roots, they shouldn’t be all shriveled up. That’s a sign they’ve been out of the ground too long, okay. Now while we’re visiting members of the Lilly family, let’s talk about ... ah, garlic. You know, people tend to think that garlic lasts forever. But it doesn’t. You always want to look for firm heads with dry un-molded paper. And you never want to see green sprouts. That’s a sure sign that the garlic is old and bitter.
EB: Like you?
AB: What! Come here you little punk, I’m gonna ...

In 1893 the Supreme Court ruled that tomatoes are legally
vegetables and subject to vegetable import taxes. At the
time, there was no import tax on fruit.

SCENE 5
The Kitchen

GUEST: Barbara Berry, Cooking with Kids Expert

AB: There. As you can see, the dish rack makes a perfect place to drain our vegetables. Now all we need is our pot. Say, Elton, would mind running to the car and getting the pot. I forgot it.
EB: Okay.
AB: Cool, thanks. Oh. and hey while you’re out there, how about mowing the grass?
EB: Ha! That’s a good one.
AB: Yeah, that’s a good one, that’s what I thought.

    You know, if kids and parents are going to co-exist in the same kitchen, and work without killing each other—figuratively or literally—we should probably do some kind of preparing for the event. I wonder what that would entail?

BB: Hey, Alton!
AB: Well, hello there!
BB: How are you?
AB: I’m good.

    Look who it is folks, it’s Barbara Berry. She’s an expert on cooking with kids. How fortuitous.

AB: So tell me something, I’m getting ready to do this whole cooking with the kid thing, here, what can I do to be ready for this?

AB: Okay.
BB: Secondly, tools. It’s very important for a kid to have their own set of cooking tools so they can easily handle things.
AB: Does this mean I have to go out and buy like every pot and pan and every knife all over again?
BB: Absolutely not. You can use a lot of what you have; match the hand to the size of the tool. And yes you may need to get ... Use a paring knife instead of a large knife for a smaller child. But that’s perfect, you don’t need to go out and buy everything.
AB: Okay, good.
BB: Lastly and more important, make time and take time with your kids. We don’t want to pass the stress of the 5:45 five hurrying home from work trying to get dinner on the table when you’re trying to teach kids to cook. Make the time, take the time, it will be enjoyable for you and for them. And remember, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the trip.
AB: Okay, so space, tools, time.
BB: Perfect
AB: Got it Thanks a lot Barbara
BB: Bye.
AB: Bye. Thanks for dropping by.

    What was she doing here?

According to Barbara, 13 year olds can bake,
sauté and begin learning serious knife skills.

AB: Rule number one: the cutting board. It is large, it is kept very very clean, and it is kept stable by the use of some no skid shelf liner.
EB: What if I don’t happen to have this on hand?
AB: If you don’t have said product on hand, you can use a couple of pieces of wet paper towel. It works just as well. Rule two: no open-toed shoes. Your sandals ... You’ve changed your sandals to tennis shoes. Good boy. Good instincts. Rule number three: This is your knife, this is your board. They always stay together. If your knife is not actively cutting, it is on the board. Not waving around in the air. Let’s review: If you got to the refrigerator you put the knife ...
EB: ... on the board.
AB: If you need to scratch your nose you ...
EB: ... put it on the board
AB: Put it on the board. And then wash your hands.

    I think he’s got it.

Adult Supervision Please!

EB: Yes I am.
AB: We’re ready. As you approach the board, we will take whichever hand we would ordinarily write with—mines the right, yours is the right—and we pick up the knife. Now the knife should be held firmly but not to tight, okay? It’s not a baseball bat. Now, think of it as a golf club. That’s good. hold so that it’s at a 45 degree angle on the board. The point should be heading towards that corner of the board, the handle should be heading towards the back right corner of the board. And your arm and the blade should form a nice straight line. Very, very good. Nice and loose, nice and loose.
    Now the other hand is going to feed the food into the blade. We will set that there. You take a leek and I will take a carrot. Notice that our vegetables are prepped for success. For instance, large pieces of carrot have been split down the middle so that they will have a stable surface to sit on. Small pieces of carrot have been flatted a little bit on one side via vegetable peeler. Our leeks, of course, were split in half for washing so they will be nice and stable for us already. And potatoes, once peeled, are also flattened a little bit on one edge, cause these things will get away from you if you’re not paying close attention.
    So, you have your leek, I have my carrot we will begin. Now the action of the hand one, just moves the knife. And then we slice through, using the thumb to kind of feed the food into the blade. There you go, there you go. Think of the cutting board as a factory, perhaps, where food goes ... OWW! ... Ha, ha, ha, Just kidding. Where the food goes in this side and comes out the other side done. Remember, always slice through the food, don’t chop down towards the board.
MB: [pokes her head in the door] Hello, how are my boys doing [gasps] ...
AB & EB: Oh, bother.
MB: Stop, sweetie. Put that horrible thing down, and just back away, back away from the knife. How dare you endanger a child?
EB: Mom I’m thirteen.
MB: I don’t care, you’re still my baby.
AB: He is thirteen. You know he’s got to learn this stuff some time, Marsha.
MB: Well fine, if he’s got to learn then I will teach him.
AB: Fine, go ahead. Teach away.
MB: Thank you very much. You know I used to be a catress. Okay, sweetie and so and we are going to chop. And we are chopping and chopping and ... OH!

For information on setting up a kitchen
first aid kit, contact your local Red Cross.

SCENE 6
The Kitchen

AB: [tightening bandage on MB's hand]
MB: Ouch, it’s too tight.
AB: Oh, stop your whining. Live by the sword, die by the sword.

Adult Supervision Please!

AB: Keep stirring boy!

    Now we’re going to turn the heat up to high and bring this just to a simmer.

AB: Did you bring it to high?
EB: Yep.
AB: Good.

    Well now that we’ve attained a simmer, it’s time for the second wave of vegetation. Now these are the foods that don’t need very long to cook. And we’re going to start with four cups of tomatoes.

AB: Show them the tomatoes Elton.

    Now you notice that we have moved these into another container. Why? To make a point about safety. You see, just dumping vegetation in on top of extremely hot liquid could cause a safety problem. So we have moved our four cups of seeded and chopped tomatoes to this large strainer so that Elton can lower them gently into the liquid.

AB: Lower gently, lower gently.

    Now that is all of the hard and fast vegetation that will be going into the soup. But there is still time add some seasoning. It would be a good time to add some pepper.

AB: Go get that pepper gun we made you in shop class. Go ahead, Go ahead.

    You’re gonna love this.

    Now lower the heat, clamp on the lid and simmer for another 25 to 30 minutes.

AB: Now let’s see how our vegetables are. There we go. You hold that.

    Now this is what I call done. In fact, it’s called ‘fork tender.’ It means that the food will yield to a fork, but it doesn’t fall apart.

    Now uh there’s nothing left to do but serve and eat.

EB: Hey, how bout some more pepper?
AB: Don’t point that thing son, it might go off! No, we’ve had enough pepper for today.

The word soup drives from "sop" or "sup" meaning
the slice of bread on which broth is poured.

EB: Mmm, that is good soup!
MB: And it’s so colorful too.
AB: Mmm. And darned good for you. Let’s not forget that
EB: Unc, I don’t doubt that this is as good as vegetable soup gets, but ...
AB: But? But? But what?
EB: But you see, strange though it may seem, some kids just don’t ...
AB: ... don’t get vegetable soup. I, I understand. I understand completely. But don’t worry, I have another soup up my sleeve, that is not only easily made by kids, but is adored by kids universally.
EB: Great, are you going to make it?
AB: Nope, you are. In fact, I’ve taken the liberty of manufacturing a laminated recipe card for you and putting it on a janitor’s retractable key chain.
EB: Sweet.
AB: Ha, ha. There you go.
MB: Great. Now my son is heir apparent to the Geek King.

The first restaurant opened in Paris in 1765 and
served nothing but soups or "restoratives."

SCENE 7
The Kitchen

Adult Supervision Please!

AB: Well, here we are in kitchen stadium for the, uh, culinary solo debut of my nephew Elton.
MB: Good luck, Sweetie!

MB: Oh, ow.
AB: ... and chopping those strips into chunks
MB: Oh. Oh. I can’t look at that. That is very ... Where did he learn to hold his fingers like that? I’ve never seen that!

When purchasing tomatillos, look for firm fruit and dry, tight-fitting husks.

AB: Great. Okay. Now he’s got three of those done. And notice he’s splitting his mise en place; put half out onto a flexible cutting mat and half into the bowl. Okay now, he’s taking the stuff on the mat and he’s moving it over to the food processor. Since the soup is better when it’s chunky, he’s only going to process half of the foods he’s sliced and diced. Excellent, excellent.
MB: Food processor!
AB: Food processor, yes,
MB: Oh no, no, no! He’ll lop off a finger.
AB: No, no, no, he won’t. They make those thing so safe that even you can use it.
MB: [sighs]

MB: Well, he’d better have a pulse at the end of this or you won’t.
AB: Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Okay, now he’s going back over and mixing that into the rest of the chunks. So he’s got a whole range of texture going on there. Wrapping with plastic wrap. Good, he didn’t forget that. And into the refrigerator for a two to three hour chill. A magnificent outing here in kitchen stadium. Bravo. Bravo.
MB: Good job, Sweetie!

The original cold soup, tomato gazpacho, hails from the Andalusian region of Spain. It was used as a defense against the heat of summer.

EB: Wow, I’ve never had cold soup before.
MB: Oh, you have so. I make tomato gazpacho every summer.
EB: That was soup? I thought that was salsa?
MB: Kids, what are you going to do with them?

    Well, you can’t kill them, so you might as well cook with them. Besides, if you don’t teach them, who will?

EB: TV shows?
AB: Well, now that’s a curious thought.

    I imagine there are some quality culinary programs out there, but by and large , I think, cooking should start in the home. Besides, cooking with your kids is good clean wholesome fun. And gosh-darn-it, who among us couldn’t use some more of that?

EB: [being hugged by his mother] Speak for yourself.
MB: Oh, ho ho.

    See you next time, on Good Eats.

*The Monterey maneuver appears to be cutting off the end opposite the stalk, making several strokes vertically cuts but not all the way to the stalk, turning it 90 degrees and cutting several more strokes so you create several squares. Then make parallel cuts to the stalk end and you'll have it diced.

Transcribed by Danita

Last Edited on 08/27/2010