SCENE 1
Table

    [voice over, heart beat heard in the back ground]
    I was getting ready to dive into my third Delmonico of the week when the pain struck. It was just pressure at first and then God made a fist ... with me in it.

SCENE 2
Emergency Room

    [voice over continues] Of course, the doctors did all they could but medical science was no match for my neglected vascular system. Game over. Or was it?

SCENE 3
Fish Store

GUEST: Tuna

AB: [looking around] Hello?
TUNA: Guess you really did it this time, boy.
AB: [looks around at huge turtle on the ceiling]
T: No. Over here, dummy.
AB: [to Tuna] You talking to me?
T: See anybody else here, smart guy?
AB: I guess not. How'd I get here?
T: Your diet. You know how much cow meat you've been puttin' away each week?
AB: Well, no.
T: Four pounds.
AB: Gee is, uh, that a lot? [laughs]
T: Hey! Don't crack wise with me. Or you'll find yourself working the grill station permanently.
AB: [winces at intense red light emanating from below, a la Hades] All right. All right. All right. Sorry ... Charlie.
T: Forget about it. Okay. What do you know about Tuna?
AB: About Tuna? Well ... uh ... you're, you're a very good looking fish and you're very versatile, flavorful and you're packed with nutrition, like omega-three fatty acids. And because of your unique physiognomy you can be cooked to temperature, you know, like red meat. In fact, I'd even say you could be called the other red meat. Well one time, I ...
T: All right. All right. I'll let you go this time.
AB: Thank you. Thank you.
T: But you'd better start walkin' that talk or you'll be back here quicker than you can say ...
AB: [tries to say something but cuts to intro music]

SCENE 4
The Road From The Hospital

    [voice over] The worst thing about taking an ambulance to the hospital is they don't take you home.

    You know, before you can understand the real difference between tuna and other fish on the plate, it helps to appreciate the difference between tuna and other fish in the water. You see, like sharks, tuna never stops swimming, ever. But unlike sharks who can only attain real speed in short bursts, tuna are built for speed and distance.
    Take for instance the rare Atlantic Bluefin. Okay, this thing can grow to fifteen hundred pounds, 9 feet in length and still maintain cruising speeds of up to 50 miles an hour. Imagine what that would look like passing you in the water. [a car passes him at high speed while he tries to thumb a ride]
    How do they do it? Well, tuna are a lot like sports cars. Their bodies are bullet-shaped and low drag. They've got specialized drive trains and high performance parts all around. See these fins? At low speeds they stay up for agility in the turns. But then when this guy lays on the speed in the straight-aways, they lay down into recessed grooves along the body. Nice, huh? No wonder the U.S. Navy studies these guys when they build submarines. Oh, and inside? A specialized metabolism allows them to raise and lower his blood temperature as he dives. We really ought to go take a look under the hood, don't you think?

SCENE 5
Inland Seafood: Atlanta, GA - 1:42 pm

GUEST: Mr. Cau Phan, Cut Chop Manager

    This is Mr. Cau who's been cutting up fish like this ...

AB: ... for how long?
CAU PHAN: Fifteen Years.
AB: Fifteen years cutting up these fish.

    His hands are fast. His knives are sharp. So I am going to get out of the way.

AB: Maestro, please.
CP: Thank you.

AB: [clapping] Bravo. Bravo, Mr. Cau. Beautiful work. That would've taken me at least an hour to do. Thank you.
CP: You're welcome. [exits]

    Truth is, I never could have done that. He makes it look easy. It's not.
    Now these 4 huge muscles, or loins, deliver the propulsion for which the tuna is famed. They also deliver the flavor. You no doubt notice that this meat is red. You see, since they never stop moving, the tuna's muscles require a lot of oxygen. But to burn oxygen you've got to have myoglobin in the muscle. Now myoglobin is red.

    Now unfortunately for the retail customer, color is a tricky thing. You see, myoglobin turns brown when it's frozen so you used to could tell previously frozen tuna just by the color of it. However, processors have figured out that they can set this color by exposing the meat to carbon monoxide before freezing it, which isn't a bad thing. I mean, the meat comes out looking great. But, it means that unscrupulous fish mongers might be tempted to sell that meat as fresh and you'd never know the difference because it looks the same. Just another in a long line of reasons to know your fish monger.

SCENE 6
Harry's / Whole Foods: Alpharetta, GA - 2:45 pm

GUEST: Fishmonger

    Speaking of color, you ever notice the rainbow effect that sometimes appears on the surface of freshly cut tuna? It's not from age and it's not fat. It's birefringence.
    [reading from a book] "*Anisotropism of the refractive index which varies as a function of polarization and fre ... " [gives up]
    Here's the deal. This surface is pretty smooth. But, if you look closely, you'll see it's actually a vast landscape of parallel fibers. When cut, the reduced surface pressure coaxes microscopic beads of moisture to the surface, each one of which acts as an independent prism. When viewed in concert, they look like a rainbow.

AB: Uh, definitely a four inch block of that there.

    Now if you don't see any loins in the case, ask your fish monger to get one from the back. Odds are, if he's got steaks down here [in the case], he's got loins back there and he's not going to mind cutting that for a customer in the know. And of course like all fish, you want to look for moist meat and a fresh aroma.

FISHMONGER: [hands him wrapped tuna]
AB: Thank you my friend.

    To the kitchen.

Major tuna varieties include: yellowfin, bluefin, bigeye, skipjack and albacore.

SCENE 7
The Kitchen

GUEST: Thing

    In a perfect world, tuna is consumed the day it is purchased. But hey, this isn't a perfect world, is it? That's why we have this. Now some of you may remember this rig from our Hook, Line & Dinner episode. And if you do, well, review never hurt anybody. The goal: to keep the fish in contact with crushed ice.

THING: [a hand whaps ice on top of the counter]
AB: Thank you, Thing, for that crushed ice demonstration. I appreciate that.

    Now unlike most fish whose muscle fibers are chewy and down right nasty when undercooked, tuna's a lot like beef tenderloin. Its flavor and especially its texture reaches its peak when it's seared on the outside but left rare on the inside. In fact, beyond medium rare even the best tuna tastes kind of like cat food.
    Now what does this mean to the home cook? It means high heat. And unless you've got a fusion reactor in the basement, odds are good there's nothing around the house that'll generate more heat than the carbonous remains of chunk hardwood.

SCENE 8
The Back Porch

GUESTS: Crew

    Of course, this can be a problem because if you don't put enough paper down there, you go away, you come back, the paper's burned, the charcoal isn't. You're disappointed. Then you might over-compensate. Wad up a big ole thing of paper, and shove it under there, and light it, come back 10 minutes later and not even the paper's burned. It didn't have enough oxygen so it chocked itself off. What's the answer? I'll show ya.

    So as I was saying, you could cut it into thick steaks, but then we'd end up with a very high proportion of seared exterior to buttery interior which just doesn't sound right. So, we're going to go with blocks. Take your longest knife and just trim up the loin into kind of a rough rectangular shape. Oh, don't waste that. [about the piece he just cut off] That's tuna salad and that's another show.

    Despite close family ties to the mackerel, tuna's flavor is actually complex and subtle. In fact, really great tuna's kind of like listening to Debussy with the volume turned way down. What's a cook to do? Well, we need to apply flavors that turn the tuna back up without drowning it out. Now I can't think of anything that supports a melody better than a chord. So I like to back up tuna with three flavors: sweet, pungent and salty. Or, in this case, honey, wasabi power—this is the dried and ground version of a Asian horseradish—and, of course, soy sauce.

CREW: [camera pans 360°] AAAAaaaahhhhh!

    Well, it seems like we've struck on today's secret word. And what would be more deserving than soy sauce. After all, making this stuff is a lot like making wine. It requires patience and fermentation.

Real soy sauce always includes fermented soy beans, wheat, and salt.

SCENE 9
Grocery Store

    I say "real" because some soy sauces just aren't. You see, if you take hydrolyzed vegetable proteins and boil them with hydrochloric acid for 12 to 20 hours, treat it with some bicarb, toss in some caramel, salt and corn syrup, you can concoct in just a few days something that's sort-of kind-of almost tastes like soy sauce, but not really. What's so sinister about these synthetics is that the FDA does not control their label content. So they can claim to be "naturally" or "traditionally" brewed even if they're not. Luckily, ingredient lists cannot lie. So, if you pick up a bottle of soy sauce that contains hydrolyzed vegetable proteins just put it back.

Soy beans are named for soy sauce, not the other way around.

SCENE 10
The Kitchen

One Hour Later

    The tuna is now ready to face the fire. But as we make that long faithful walk towards the grill, we should stop a moment to consider any last minute additions to flavor and/or texture. For instance, well, say sesame seeds. Now most of us only get a good look at these things when we're getting ready to chomp down on a hamburger and that is unfortunate because the temperatures at which those buns bake are nowhere near hot enough to activate the flavorful oils inside these little jewels. On a grill, that's not a problem.

    Our fish is on deck and we've even brought a clean plate for retrieval. As for the fire, well, it's hot. It's real hot. Just take a look. It's like a jet engine down there. Now the normal thing to do would be to distribute those coals across the bottom of the grill and get to cookin'. But, um, I don't want to dissipate the heat. I don't want to spread it out. I want to keep it concentrated. I want to cook on a jet engine! And ... it's ... my jet engine so I say we'll cook on the jet engine.

    Something you're going to notice is that there's going to be a lot of popping right away as the sesame seeds start to burn. Now I'm not sure how long it's going to take on this first side. I'm going to time it just to see. Because however long it takes on this side is probably how long it'll take on the other three sides, and we want to be consistent. By doing that we're going to make sure the same layer of doneness is achieved all the way around so when we slice the fish is going to look really, really great.
    So it's been about 15 seconds. You definitely don't want to touch this before, say, 20 seconds. Not even to take a look or a lot of those seeds are going to stick. We want more of them to stay on the fish. Some are going to stick to the grill. That's okay. I'm just going to take a look. Nope. Going to give it all the way to 30 seconds. When 30 seconds is up, flip it to the new side of the grill and start your clock again. Now don't worry about the rest of these seeds. They're just going to burn. And since they've got oil in them, there's going to be some flaming. But it's going to be on the other side so don't worry about it.

Sesame seeds were called "benne" by African slaves. To this
day "benne wafers" are considered a delicacy in the South.

SCENE 11
The Kitchen

GUEST: Nicole Kerr, Registered Dietitian

    Three minutes later and whatever cooking was going to happen is definitely done. This has cruised to a thermal stop. Now at this point you could just rewrap this in a new, dry piece of plastic wrap and refrigerate it and cut it in two to three days. It makes a great cold appetizer. Me, I think I'm going to serve it warm.

    Now if you're not planning to eat this all, don't slice it all, okay? Because those sliced sides will oxidize and we don't want that. So if you're going to leave some over, just leave it as a chunk and wrap it up.
    Now I am not much of a fan of fancy plating. That's why I just like to put the fish on the plate. I think it's great looking stuff. But there are other options. For an entree you might want to serve this with some jasmine rice, a nice little salad. Heck, wasabi mashed potatoes would be fine. But you'll notice here, by using the reserved marinade as a dipping sauce, it's multi-tasking. Nice, huh? Oh, and observe the old restaurant trick. By placing the ramekin on a slice of lemon, we've got stability. Nice, huh?
    Oh. Heh, you remember that heart attack I had about half an hour ago? [a la John Lovitiz] Acting! Thank you.
    In fact, I'm getting ready to turn 40 and my ticker feels just fine, thanks. So, do I have deep-swimming, cold-water, fatty fish-like tuna to thank for this? Hey, only my nutritionist knows for sure.

NICOLE KERR: Yes you do, Alton. Omega-three fatty acids are great for your heart. They act as an arterial lubricant which decrease your risk for a heart attack and stroke. They increase your HDL level of cholesterol, which are the good cholesterol, and they decrease your triglycerides, which is the bad cholesterol. And they also help with your memory, your learning ability and your vision.
AB: Wow. Anything else?
NK: Yeah. In some studies suggest that it may help with depression. So in case you may be a little bit depressed about turning 40, ...
AB: Actually, I wasn't depressed about turning 40 ... but ... well ...

    Well, there you have it, kids. A tuna a day keeps the extremely expensive cardiologist away. It's just another example of how things that are good for you can also be good eats. See you next time.

AB: Forty's not a big deal, right?
NK: No. Do you not want me to say it that way? [laughs]

Proofreading by Sue Libretti

Main Entry: bi·re·frin·gence
Pronunciation: "bI-ri-'frin-j&n(t)s
Function: noun
Etymology: International Scientific Vocabulary
Date: 1898
1) the refraction of light in an anisotropic material (as calcite) in two slightly different directions to form two rays