SCENE 1
Rise & Shine Set

GUESTS: Suzy Dile & Reggie Drothers

[intro music] It's time to rise and shine.

S: Next up on Rise & Shine, a new report claims that American children still aren't eating their vegetables.
R: And here with one answer to that problem is food writer and TV host, Alton Brown. Thanks for being with us today, Alton.
AB: Oh, sure thing, Reggie & Suzy. Thanks for asking me.
R: Okay, how do I get my five year old to eat cabbage.
AB: Slaw.
S: What about beets. My step kids won't touch them.
AB: Slaw.
R: You know, I thought slaw was just cabbage and pickles.
AB: You know, the way I look at it is that just about anything that can be cut into strips, grated, or shredded is slaw waiting to happen. You know, you can stash about 10 different vegetables in a slaw and kids will still eat it because it looks fun and it tastes great. And unlike most vegetable dishes, slaw actually gets better as it ages.
S: Which is more we can say about you, Reggie.

[everyone sort of laughs]

R: Okay, when we come back, Chef Brown will be grating slaw and Suzy will be grating on my nerves. Okay. What was the name of that program you were on?
AB: Oh ... [goes to answer but is interrupted by the Good Eats intro]

SCENE 2
Rise & Shine Set

S: Welcome back to Rise & Shine. Joining Reggie in the kitchen is TV chef Alton Brown.
R: Okay, I guess we'll kick things off with your basic cold slaw.
AB: Actually, Reggie, that's coleslaw. It's from the Dutch "kool" for cabbage and "sla" for "sla" [sic, salad], koolsla.
R: So slaw is basically cabbage salad.
AB: Well, no. Coleslaw is basically cabbage salad. But the word "slaw" has come to mean, really, any salad that's been shredded, grated, or cut into thin strips like this.
R: Where'd you learn to shred like that? Ha.

R: What makes it kosher?
AB: Well, take a look at this. You see the size and the shape of those crystals? Okay, that shape when it sticks onto the side of meat, it doesn't dissolve right away. It just kind of sits there and that helps to pull juices—liquids—out of the meat. And that's a lot of what koshering is all about.
R: Why do we want to kosher cabbage?
AB: Well, I don't really want to kosher the cabbage. But I do want to pull some of the water out of its cell structure and this is going to do it.
R: Why?
AB: Well ... you know what? We'll get to that. I'll tell you what. Right now, why don't we make the dressing, okay? A lot of cooks like to use mayonnaise based dressings. But I think that they're really a little on the heavy side, they weigh things down. And let's face it, mayonnaise has got a lot of calories in it, you know?
R: Yeah. I don't know about you but I have to work pretty hard to keep this boyish figure. Heh, heh, heh.

R: O---kay.
AB: Don't be timid now. It's not nitroglycerin there, Reggie.
R: Okay. I ... spill it all over ...
AB: Now that's good, okay. Just smooth that right off, okay.
R: All right.

AB: Sorry about that. I thought ... usually you have people take care of this kind of thing. Heh, heh, heh. There you go. So we're going to do the same thing here again, except with yogurt, okay?
R: Okay. And ...
AB: Just put that right on top. Kind of push that down. Okay, we're using displacement, you see, so when the buttermilk reaches the top you know we've got ... here, I'll just get rid of that.
R: Okay. Yeah, yeah. That's good. Right there. Okay. Yeah. Heh, heh, heh.

R: Okay.
AB: Just straight into that bowl.
R: Oh, hey.
AB: Just push that right out.
R: That's fun.
AB: Yeah. Heh.
R: Ha, ha, ha.
AB: Yeah, we're having some fun, aren't we, Reggie?
R: Yeah, yeah. Ha, ha, ha.

R: I thought you said that was going to take 2 hours.
AB: Well, yeah. I did this one before. TV, you know?
R: Oh. Heh, heh.
AB: Okay, you scoot off to the side there a little bit, okay? There. I've got to rinse the salt off of this so I've got a little bit of water here. There.
R: Oh. I thought you said that was going to take two hours, too.
AB: Here, feel this.
R: Oh, rubbery.
AB: Yeah. It's because we've pulled a lot of the moisture out. Look how much.
R: Hey, Suzy. You gotta check this out. Look. That cabbage drained more fluid than your knee did after that skiing accident. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
S: You're just never going to let me live that down, are you?
AB: Heh, heh, heh. That's a lot of fun. Here we go.

S: Now, why did you do that?

S: Um, hm.
AB: How you coming there with that dressing there, Reggie?
R: Oh, it's looking really good. Heh, heh, heh.
AB: Boy ... yeah ...
S: You are a pro ...
AB: That's looking really good. You guys work so well together. That's enough of that. Why don't you just put this right on top. And Susy, just push up and down on that a few times, okay?
R: Hey, look at that.
S: Oh, wow.
AB: Yeah, that's fun, too.
R: That works for you. Yeah. You've always been kind of a pusher. Yeah.
AB: Okay. That's probably enough. It wasn't that wet.
S: [takes off the top before it stops spinning]
AB: Don't ... don't ... yeah. Wait 'till it stops. There.
R: Yeah.
AB: Now just add the cab ... no, no ... just pick it up.
S: In here?
AB: Like this.
R: Oh, okay.
AB: And then put it in there.
S: Okay.
AB: But don't dump it too much.
R: Oh, that's ...
AB: That's good. Just keep going there.
S: Is that right?
AB: Yeah. That's really, really, really good. Here you go. Ha. ha. Now in a couple of hours, this slaw is going to look exactly like this: nice, beautiful, creamy. If we had not have put on the salt and purged the cabbage, it would end up looking like this.
S: Eww. All watery and disgusting.
R: Just like mom used to make.
AB: Really? Well here. Give it a taste.
S: Mmmmmm. Delicious. Thank you Alton Brown for that amazing demonstration.
AB: Okay.
S: [to the camera] Next up on Rise & Shine, city Councilman McDavers [sic] explains why he didn't pay taxes next [sic] year.

[music] It's time to rise and shine.

SCENE 3
Rise & Shine Set

GUEST: Vickie Wong

[music] It's time to rise and shine.

S: Welcome back, early risers. Well, it seems that Councilman McDrivers either forgot to set his clock or couldn't fight his way into the studio.
R: Luck for us Chef Alton Brown has agreed to stick around and talk ... slaw.
AB: No problem. Works for me.
S: Alton, ...
AB: Um, mm.
S: ... during that last segment I noticed that the cabbage was very finely and evenly shredded.
AB: Well you know, Suzy, if kids are going to enjoy it, you know, they've got to like it with their eyes. And so whether we're talking about a shred or grate or fine strips, we really need to use the right tools. And speaking of tools, would it be okay if I brought on an associate of mine?
S & R: [stare]
AB: Great.

W: [to AB] Do you have any idea what time it is?
AB: [to W] What's wrong? Get up out of the wrong side of the crypt this morning?

AB: Hey everybody, say hi to my equipment specialist, Vickie Wong.
S: Welcome to Rise & Shine, Mrs. Wong.
AB: Oh, you know. You don't have to call her that. Her friends all call her, W.
W: Actually, my friends call me Vickie. Why do you guys tape so early?
S: Oh, we're live Mrs. Wong. See. You're on TV right now.
AB: Heh, heh. Yeah, look. You're live. [just to W] I thought I'd never see the day.
W: [turns and stares, frozen into the camera for the remainder of this scene]
AB: [to R & D] So there are a lot of tools out there that claim to shred well, okay? But not all of them are perfect for slaw. Take this food processor. W?
W: [still stares at the camera]

AB: Do ... Okay ... um ... the feed tube is a little on the side of smallish and you have to like custom carve cabbage even to get it down in there. And once you do get it in, you've got to be so careful to press evenly all the way through or else you end up with half shreds, half confetti. And the worse thing is that even the large models will barely hold a head of cabbage.
R: You could say it lacks 'cabacity'. Heh, heh.
AB: Yeah ... you ... could say that. I guess. Here we have just a hand slicer. This is a very economical tool and it's really nice because it's actually got a box to catch the food as you cut it which is really convenient. You just move the food back and forth on this plane. But here's the thing, it only has two thicknesses, okay? So it's great for things like, I don't know, potatoes [and] onions. But not so good for slaw where you really want to have adjustability. When it comes to adjustability this tool is the one. The French call this a mandoline.
S: What does it do?
AB: The real question is what doesn't it do? Look: very sophisticated but very, very simple. There's a very, very sharp blade all the way across here and an adjustable plane that feeds the food through the blade at almost any thickness, okay? You just adjust it with this thumb lever here on the back. Let me show you what I mean. [to W] Snap out of it.
 W: [still in the "headlights"]
AB: [picks up the mandolin and a part falls off, R catches it] Whoa, hey, hey. Thanks for catching that. There. You just put the food here, use the hand guard, and look.
R: Ooh.
AB: Paper thin slices. Huh? And it's stable, easy to use and as long as you use that hand guard there, it is completely safe. Ditch that [hand guard] and you're on your own. Give that a try.
R: [to W] Say, this is fun.
W: [no response]
AB: Heh, heh. Yeah. That's, that's a lot of fun. Let me show you this other tool here. This is one of my favorites. It's kind of a circular mandoline. It's called a rouet and it's really good for hard things like beets, radishes, onions, jicamas, stuff like that. We put our little ...
R: I thought we were talking slaw here.
AB: Hey, remember Reggie. If you can shred it, it's slaw waiting to happen. Okay? Now I've got a beet here and just to show you how easy this is to use, I'm just going to put that right against these teeth, put it against the core, and look at that.
S: Isn't that cute?
AB: Now just tell me: what red blooded American kid wouldn't want to eat something that looks like that? You want to give it a try?
S: Please.
AB: Great. Just kind of push against there ...
S: Like this?
AB: Other way. Other way.
S: Other way?
AB: Other way.
S: All right now. Alton, what are we going to do with this once when we're all done grating it?
AB: Well, I'm glad you asked. Can we roll that video I brought please?

SCENE 4
Video Clip

SCENE 5
Rise & Shine Set

R: You know, when my mom made slaw she always used a grater.
AB: Mmm. Grated slaws are a class all to themselves. And I'm very proud to say I've made some real advancements on their behalf. You see, I started with my grater and I ...
S: [interrupting] We'll check on chef Brown's creations later on in the show. Next up on Rise & Shine, a chicken that predicts the future.

[music] It's time to rise and shine.

SCENE 6
Rise & Shine Set

[music] It's time to rise and shine.

S: Welcome back to Rise & Shine. It's about 15 past the hour and what a strange hour it has been. First councilman McDrivers is a no-show and now the stupid chicken is M.I.A.
R: Well thank goodness for Alton Brown is all I've got to say. Alton has agreed to stay with us through the morning and talk on and on about a dish he thinks will get youngsters to eat more vegetables, heh, heh. Slaw.
AB: Well, Reggie, Suzy, I'm just glad I could be here to help.
R: Well, now, Alton, during the break you were telling me about an invention you have.
AB: Oh, ho, I wouldn't say it's really an invention, more of a modification. Do you want to see?
R & S: [indicate that it's okay]
AB: Okay. I call it the Slaw Dog. Basically it's just a box grater that I've encased in cardboard from a pizza box that I have wrapped in aluminum foil thus extending the throw of the device. You use it like this. May I show you?
S: Oh, please.
AB: What you do is you get a stool or a tall chair and you use a clamp like one of these and you attach it like this. Okay? Then you put bowl under it, see? And then you've got your target food, in this case a nice head of Napa cabbage. Now anyone who has ever washed clothes on a washboard will tell you that this is a much easier position for working than at counter level.
R: Heh, heh. The closest Suzy's ever come to a washboard was connected to the shortstop of a major league ...
S: Aahh! Reggie. You rude ... stupid ... This is a family show! ... I'm getting tired of ... [begins hitting R over and over]
AB: You know ... hey, hey, hey ... Suzy, there. You know, I think you just need a little stress relieving, you know, grating which is actually very stress relieving. Just take that ... here, here, hold this ... 
S: Okay.
AB: ... and just slide it up and down on that. It's really relaxing. Just calm down.
S: Wow. What do you know? This is fun. [laughs]
AB: Yeah.
S: Look at me, Reggie. I'm grating.
R: Hey, heh. You always have been in my book, Suzy.

R: Why boil?
AB: Well because we want to dissolve the sugar and we want to open up the flavors inside the seeds.
R: [looks for a place to boil] Uh ... How boil?
AB: Well, I don't know. You could ... you guys got a microwave around here, right?
R: Uh ...
AB: Okay. Go find it. Yeah. Off you go. Off you go. Oh, Suzy. That's good. You don't have to take that down to the nub. Just bring that over. Good. Excellent job.
S: Thank you.

S: Ooh.
AB: See how much fluid was lost in that amount of time? This is a good thing because now we can add flavor to this. Ah, speaking of flavor. Excellent, excellent, excellent.
S: Look, Reggie. This stuff wept more than you did at your last wedding.
R: I resemble that remark.
AB: Okay, here's your new assignment, kids. I want you to each take a pair of tongs and stuff this jar full of that slaw. Now I want you to get it in really, really tight, okay? Really stuff it down in there. Just ... you work together.
S: Reggie?

[S & R begin fighting over getting the slaw in the jar even to the point of throwing slaw at each other while AB continues to first talk to them and then to the camera]

    When you get that packed up to the top, we're going to pour in some marinade and we're going to pour the marinade all the way to the very top of the jar and then just seal it up and refrigerate it for about 3 days before you eat it, okay? Your patience will be rewarded because you're going to end up with a slaw that's bright, very flavorful, crisp and kind of pickle-like. Stay tuned. There's more of Rise & Shine coming up next.

[music] It's time to rise and shine.

SCENE 7
Rise & Shine Set

[music] It's time to rise and shine.

[S & R have slaw all over them]

R: Okay, it's 25 past the hour and Rise & Shine is back with Alton Brown who has graciously stayed with us all morning long while our other worthless guests were probably at a coffee shop somewhere.
S: Well, that's just fine because we have had such a good time.
AB: Yes we have. I for one know that would I wouldn't have missed a minute of this for the world.
S: Any final dishes, Alton?
AB: Well, Suz, you know I think there is one more slaw I'd like to make but, you know, it's a favorite of mine. I'll be happy to do all of the work. You kids just relax.
S: Don't forget. The show's only half an hour ...
R: He knows how long the show is, stick girl.
S: Shove it, baldy.

S: Okay. Mmmm. Any closing thoughts, Alton?
AB: Yeah. Yeah. I want to say something to all the kids out there. Kids, I want you to put down your plates of wilted spinach, your aspirated asparagus, and gray beans. I want you to get up from the table. I want you walk to the window and I want you to open the window—or have mom and dad help—and I want you to stick out your head and I want you to yell at the top of your lungs,

 I'M SICK OF THIS SLOP AND I WANT SOME SLAW!

      That's all.

S: Well, that's all the time we have today, folks.
R: See you tomorrow on Rise & Shine.
S: Bye.

[music] It's time to rise and shine.

SCENE 8
Outside the Set

GUESTS: Mayor
              Guy with Chicken
              Paul

MAYOR: [on cell phone as he gets out of the car] Idiot driver. But look, that zoning variance has got to get taken care of today.
GUY WITH CHICKEN: [exits car with chicken]
AB: [gets in the car, Paul is driving]
PAUL: Mission successful, boss?
AB: Oh, I think they got the point. No matter how you shred it, slaw is definitely ... well, you know.
P: [smiles and drives off]

Proofreading by Sue Libretti