ed note — Since this episode has a complex story line, you'll notice more text describing action than normal.
|FA: What's a ricer and what's a ricer have to do
AB: Well, open that plunger thing there. Great.
Choose Smallest Die
FA: You got it.
AB: Good, good and squeeze. Your world will never be the same again.
AB: [bending down next to refrigerator] Okay, let's shop for some software, shall
FA: You got it. [opens refrigerator and unwittingly knocks AB to the ground]
AB: Okay. Butter?
AB: Great. Butter. Leeks. Fresh leeks are ...
FA: Oh, fresh leeks. Leeks.
AB: Hey, those look pretty nice. Okay. Uh ... hey, is this chicken stock?
FA: Of course.
FA: Of course. Bart's brother, Brad, is a chicken farmer.
AB: Oh, that's nice. Buttermilk?
AB: Good. Sour cream?
FA: Sour cream.
AB: Excellent. Parmesan cheese?
FA: Parm ...
AB: Look down there.
FA: Oh, parmesan cheese.
AB: All right. Do you have any chives, just by chance?
AB: Oh, let me guess, Bart's brother, Clive, is a chive farmer. And some garlic?
FA: Oh, I never keep garlic in the refrigerator.
AB: Good girl.
FA: In a drawer.
|AB: Okay. [looking in refrigerator] You know, I
can't help but notice that you've got a lot of
leftover containers in here labeled with Good
FA: Uh huh.
AB: [worried] Uh huh ...
|FA: [at stove] Butter's melted.||
3 Tbs. Melted Butter
|AB: Okay, you've say you've watched a few Good
Eats episodes, what's next?
FA: Well, the leeks and garlic are aromatics, so I'll
cook them in butter over medium heat.
1 1/2 Cups Fine Diced Leeks
|AB: And what else would we add to that?
FA: Kosher salt.
FA: To draw out the flavor and aroma?
AB: Actually, the moisture. It helps them to soften. Always add salt to a ... what
do you call this?
AB: You have been paying attention!
|FA: It's soft.||
Sweat Till Translucent
AB: Good. [AB looks at 'his' log made into a box on the table]
FA: I almost got outbid on that!
AB: Okay, what goes next?
FA: Well, I wouldn't want to add potatoes, because they'd absorb the butter and
AB: That's true.
FA: And I wouldn't want to add the sour cream because I don't want to cook the
sour cream. And the buttermilk would curdle.
|FA: Ah, chicken stock.
AB: Mmm, you're right. Six cups. And raise
your heat and bring that to a simmer, okay?
And then we've got a liquid base to add the
other ingredients to, right?
6 Cups Chicken Stock
Bring To A Simmer
FA: Umm. It's simmering.
AB: [hauling 'his' Good Eats briefcase to the counter] I have got one just like this.
FA: Not anymore.
AB: All right, so what's next?
FA: Well, we add the rest of the ingredients.
AB: Dump them all in there, huh?
AB: Well, we could. But, you know, if we just dump the buttermilk in there,
there's still a chance that because of its acidity and heat in there, it still could
curdle. And of course if we drop the sour cream right in there, it's just gonna
float around like the big blob of fat that it really is. And as for potatoes, ...
well, let's do it this way. Why don't we just ... do you have a whisk?
FA: Sure. Right in there.
|AB: Here, you hold that [spatula]. If we were to
take the buttermilk and pour it into the
potatoes, the starch of the potatoes might
help prevent the buttermilk from curdling,
AB: And then, of course, this stuff is pretty
chunky, so why don't we just put all that right
in there. Okay. And while we're at it, we
might as well put in the parmesan cheese,
4 Baked Potatoes, Riced
|AB: There you go. Okay, with all that together,
just beat that into a paste like that and that's
also gonna help to break up the potatoes a
little bit more, right?
AB: It's kind of an emulsion, like salad dressing.
Now just help me get that in there. There.
Now, that's pretty much it. Bring it back to a
Bring Back To A Simmer
FA: Great. Then we puree it?
AB: Why would we puree it?
FA: Why not?
AB: Okay. Well, if we stick a blender in there or pour it into a food processor or
whatever, we're just gonna beat up more of those starch granules we were
gonna talk about. And that's okay for right when we serve it. But it's gonna
start getting gluey and start setting up hard right there on the table and you
can forget about leftovers. They'll be like racquetballs. This way, there'll still
be some toothsome-ness. You'll bite down, you'll get a nice little bite of
potato. And you know, Bart's gonna like that because ...
AB & FA: .. Bart's a potato farmer.
AB: Yeah, that's right.
The Incas measured time according to how long it took potatoes to cook.
FA: Is it finished?
AB: Almost. Got any vinegar?
FA: What kind.
FA: Don't call me Sherry. Just kidding.
AB: Oh, perfect.
AB: Okay. Two tablespoons.
2 Tbs. Sherry Vinegar
FA: Why now?
AB: Well, because, if we had added this during the cooking process, it would have
curdled the buttermilk for sure. But now that the starch has had extra time to
cook, it'll be perfectly safe. May I serve you?
FA: Please do.
[cut to outside, feet walking up stairs]
AB: There we go.
[cut to outside, feet walking up stairs]
AB: Chive action should be nice.
1/4 Cup Minced
AB: You know, I really have to thank you for taking me in. This was a really nasty
night. Look, we've ended up with ...
[cut to outside, feet walking up stairs]
FA: [hears knocking on the door] Oh my gosh. It's Bart! He's early. No, we're late.
AB: I want to eat my soup, what's the problem. Oh ...
FA: [drags him to a bedroom and throws Alton in] Hide in here. If he finds you
here ... Oh, he's so jealous. Oh, jeez. Make yourself comfortable.
AB: Comfortable? I can't even breathe.
FA: Coming Bart darling!
FA: Good news A. B.
AB: Oh, what?
FA: Bart loves the soup.
AB: Oh, that's great.
FA: And he invited me to the church social tomorrow.
AB: Oh that's great, too.
FA: Well, I agreed to make the potato salad.
AB: That's great.
FA: Because I knew you'd help me.
AB: That's not gonna happen. If the potato salad is going to be any good, you gotta
make it the night before. It's, it's two a.m.
FA: Well, we better get a move on!
AB: Oohhh. [looks at large crustacean pillow] Hey, I suppose you're gonna tell me
you got this on the internet?
FA: I told you I was your biggest fan.
AB: So, which potatoes do we choose?
FA: Oh, waxy potatoes, like these red ones.
FA: They stay firm when cooked, fewer balloons.
AB: Fewer balloons. Well, you're kind of right. They've got a lower starch content
and higher internal moisture, which means they'll soak up less of the cooking
water and that means they won't fall apart. So, put her here.
|AB: I like to go with mostly these small little guys.
FA: Why are you picking the little ones?
2 1/2 lbs. Small Red Bliss Potatoes
AB: Well, because smaller cooks faster, right? And the way I see it, if you get
them all the same size, they're all gonna be done at the same time and that
makes our job a lot easier. So, put these in a pot and add just enough cold
water to cover.
In October of 1995, the potato became the first vegetable grown in space.
AB: As soon as these come to a boil, drop the heat to low. We just want simmer
FA: Well, how long do we let them cook?
|AB: Well, it's kind of hard to say. It depends on
how much water is in the pot and how big
the potatoes are. I'd check them in about five
minutes and then every three minutes
thereafter. What you want to watch for
especially is cracked skins. If you see any you
know you've either cooked them too hard or
too long. [leaves]
Once simmering, check in 5 mins. and every 3 mins. thereafter.
FA: Oh. [stays and watches the pot]
AB: [returns and pulls her away] Don't watch them.
|AB: We gotta stop the cooking process. Ice. Put
them in the potatoes and I'll add some water.
We're only gonna leave this in here for maybe
two, three minutes, just to stop the cooking.
We want to slice them while they're warm.
Place Drained Potatoes Into Ice Bath For 2-3 mins.
AB: [yawning] You peel.
FA: Ugh, I'll peel. This is the part I'm dreading.
AB: Whoa, whoa, sister, what's with this? You don't need a peeler. Just grab that
tea towel over there.
FA: Tea towel. Tea towel?
AB: Okay, pick up a potato. Put it in there. Put it in there. Rub.
FA: [skin comes right off] Oooooh magic.
AB: Yep, magic. That's how you get them cleaned off. Okay, you peel, and I'll slice.
FA: Cool. [noting he's about to slice with an ordinary knife] Ah, ah, oh, oh, with
that? I thought you'd have some kind of cool tool.
|AB: [sighs and goes to case and returns with an
egg slicer, opens it up and runs a potato
through the tines] That more like it?
An egg slicer will give you uniform slices.
AB: Yeah, it's not bad. All right, keep going.
FA: Last one.
AB: Great. You wouldn't happen to have any zip top bags around here would
FA: Right in there.
AB: Great. Good deal. And I also know you got sherry vinegar, but do you have any
apple cider vinegar?
FA: Of course.
AB: Well, let's get some.
FA: And what's the vinegar for?
AB: Well, here's the thing. These potatoes are still warm, right? And that means
that they're still porous. You see, once they cool down and the starch seals up,
they're not going to porous anymore. Of course, since we are going to be
putting a rather fatty dressing on it, It makes sense that we should turbo
charge with a little flavor now and acidity would be perfect. So give me
about three tablespoons.
FA: [going to retrieve measuring spoons] Tablespoons.
|AB: Ah, just pour and I'll say 'when'.
FA: All right.
Soak Potatoes In
AB: When. Now we'll seal this up, get as much air out as possible and refrigerate
overnight, as in we go to sleep now.
FA: [looking off] He blinded me with science.
Potatoes have been cultivated in South America for 7000 years.
FA: [on phone] What? He was just out of gas? That's it?
Can't you break something?
[hangs up, to Alton] Good morning, sleep well?
AB: Actually, I never knew that you could put potatoes inside a mattress.
FA: Did you know that the Quacho Indians have over a thousand words for
AB: Yeah. Well, comfortable isn't one of them. What, was that Ed about my truck?
FA: Bad news, Ed says you threw a basket.
AB: Blew a gasket?
FA: That's it. You're so smart.
AB: Well, I guess we might as well get the salad dressed for you and Bart.
FA: Well, I put out the mise en place. ['place' is pronounced as an English word]
AB: [correcting her] pl-AH-ss.
FA: Pl-AH-ss. Whatever.
|AB: Frances, the proper potato salad is not a plop
and stir. We need to integrate the ingredients
in a proper order so that we get the right
flavor in each and every bite, okay? It all
begins with three quarters of a cup of that
mayonnaise right there, and what a very nice
homemade mayonnaise that is. Okay. To
heat-en that up a little bit, a teaspoon of dry
mustard. Excellent. Just mix that together.
Good. Then we slowly get larger. That's two
teaspoons of garlic and a tablespoon of
tarragon and a quarter cup of the parsley. Fold
that together and then we'll wait and bring in
the other ingredients once that's integrated.
Looks like you about got it. Okay. A quarter
cup of the cornichons, chopped fine. Half a
cup of the red onion, also chopped fine, and
half a cup of your celery also chopped, well,
very thin, almost on the bias. Good job.
AB: You got it?
FA: Got it.
3/4 Cup Mayonnaise
1/4 Cup Chopped Cornichons or Sour Pickles
|AB: Okay. Bring that down here. I'll go get the
potatoes. Now we're going to dump this in
with the vinegar that it soaked in, okay?
There's also going to be a little starch that's
come out of the potatoes. That's going to help
hold things together. Just fold away. Now
we're putting these in last so that we stir
them up the least and that means they're not
going to break apart so easily. Of course since
we chilled them, they're holding together
pretty nicely. Some salt and some pepper.
Add Soaked Potatoes
Kosher Salt & Fresh Ground Black Pepper
FA: [door knocks] Oh my God, it's Bart!
AB: Oh good, I'm glad to meet ... hey, jeepers.
FA: [pushes him down the hallway] Hurry, hurry.
AB: Well, why I can't meet ...
FA: Get in there.
AB: I just want to say hi.
FA: [pushes Alton into bedroom] And stay here until I get back. And I still don't
know why we had to chill the potatoes over night.
AB: Well, I'll tell you. It's bec ...
AB: [on phone] Hello, is this Ed? The mechanic? Hi, yeah, my name is Alton Brown.
You've got ... Yeah, you got my truck down there. Listen ... Hello? Hello?
FA: [storms in and throws coat on the floor] What in heck's name is a roasty?
AB: You mean a roesti?
FA: Who you talking to?
AB: [hiding phone] Uh, nobody. Uh, you know. It's just a little, kind of a Swiss,
hash brown kind of thing.
FA: Well, that's what the big lug wants for dinner tonight.
FA: Who do I look like, Spuds Mackenzie?
AB: Well, no. You look like a ver ...
FA: C'mon we've got work to do. [takes and twists Alton's arm]
AB: Oww. Jeez.
|AB: We're going to need three Yukon Gold
potatoes. And since they are medium starch,
they are really perfect for things like roestis.
AB: Well, because they've got just enough starch
to hold together but not so much that they
get mushy. And you know, the really cool
thing is if you were to park this in the
refrigerator over night, and then make your
roesti, the roesti you made tomorrow would
be browner than the ones you might make
3 Yukon Gold Potatoes
AB: Because cold tells the potato to start converting starch into sugar, okay? And
sugar browns quicker and deeper than starch does and, hey, to some folks
when it comes to potatoes brown is good.
FA: [eyeing Alton] When it comes to a lot of things, Brown is good. [winks]
AB: Since I'm not going to be here come tomorrow, we'll just skip the
refrigeration and go straight to the grating. You have a grater, right?
AB: Oh, my. You know, these things can lead to very dangerous situations.
FA: [with puppy dog eyes] You don't say.
AB: Yeah. You see, they because don't have enough legs and you push on them and
they ... Well, it's just dangerous. I'll get another one. This, is a much better
grater, see. It's got more sides so when you grate with it, it's a lot more
stable. So, why don't you just give it a try there.
AB: Smooth, huh? Well, it's my gift to you for rescuing a stranded traveler.
FA: Well, I'm afraid you might be stuck here for a little while more.
AB: You grate, I'll find an onion.
FA: I've grated the potatoes and the onion. It made me cry.
AB: Here, let's take the whole thing for a spin. It's really, really crucial that this
mixture stay dry.
AB: [being backed around the spinner by FA] Well, because if it's dry then as the
outer starch layers start to cook or gelatinize, they'll pull moisture from the
inside to the outside which is good because then the inside will be fluffy and
light and the outside will be crisp but not greasy. If we leave water on the
outside then the starch will just pull that water inward and that means an
interior that's dense and an exterior that's greasy.
FA: And what about the onions?
AB: Well, good point. See, the onion doesn't have any starch but it does contribute
a lot of moisture to the situation. We just have to put a stop to that right now.
Marie Antoinette was known to decorate her hair with potato blossoms.
|AB: Okay. Well, I see you've got a half tablespoon
of butter melted there in your non-stick pan.
That's just swell. Now, we've got four servings
here. So, I'm going to take about a quarter of
this and you are going to season it with salt
and pepper. There you go. Now you just toss
that a little bit.
1/2 Tbs. Melted Butter
Season 1/4 Of The Mixture
FA: Well, now, why don't we just salt it all at once, You?
AB: Well, if we salt that whole thing, You, then by
Cook For 7 Minutes
Thomas Jefferson introduced french fries to the
White House during his presidency of 1801-09.
AB: Ah, smells like it's time to flip.
FA: How are you going to do that?
|AB: Ahhh. Well first we're going to put a little
butter here on top, okay.
1/2 Tbs. Butter
AB: There. Now can I have that?
FA: Of course.
AB: Now slide this onto a lid. Okay?
|AB: That's it. There you go. Now just cook this for
about another five minutes or until it looks
like that on the underside. Then you can
either eat it right away—a little sour cream is
really, really nice—or if you want to cook the
rest of the batch, just slide that right onto
the rack inside your oven set for low, of
course. It will stay crisp for about twenty
Cook For 5 More Minutes
Hold in a warm oven for up to 20 mins.
[knocking on the door]
AB: Why, look.
FA: It's Bart!
AB: [indifferent] I'll hide.
FA: No, we'll face him together this time, honey.
AB: Okay. I'll catch up. [scrams]
[shows sheets tied and hung out the window where AB apparently escaped]
FA: [looking out the window]I may have lost the man, but I'll always have ...
Main transcription help from Kathyh.
Proofreading by Sue Libretti.
Last Edited on 08/27/2010