SCENE 1
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[Alton is reading, |
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"Any food impregnated with and therefore preserved by
an acid is a pickle." Now, there are hundreds of world pickle styles
but only 2 true pickle schools. Now, fermented pickles such as kimchi, sauerkraut
and kosher dills derive their particular piquancy from naturally occurring
bacteria which migrate into their brine and produce lactic acid. Now, this
lactic acid also serves as a kind of, oh, microbial bouncer preventing other
less friendly bacteria from crashing the crock, so to speak.
Now, these pickles are easy to make, mmm, and sublime to eat
but they do require about the same level of maintenance as an ant farm which is
more than some people can handle. For them there is infused pickles.
In the infusion method, you bring the acid to the party instead of waiting on a billion bugs to produce it. |
ACID |
Down pickle. Then all you have to do is bring said
acid to a boil, add whatever flavors you want to bring to the party and the acid
charges rapidly in to the target food rendering it a pickle in hours or days ...
up pickle ... instead of weeks or months like fermented pickles.
Now, let's meet the acids.
The Expression "in a pickle" was coined by Shakespeare in "The Tempest".*
Vinegar. Besides deserving a show of its own is yet another example of good food gone bad in a good way. After all, vin means wine in French and aigre sour, again French. |
vin = wine |
Simply put, vinegar is what happens when aceto bacteria go on a drinking binge. They gobble up all of the alcohol in wine, beer, what have you and turn it into acetic acid. Now this takes a good bit of time, so the bacteria construct a colony called a 'mother,' which looks like a big jellyfish, and once it's finished converting the alcohol in one container it can be moved to another and then another and another so it's an immortal jellyfish. |
CH3CH2OH |
Now, any alcoholic beverage will do. Uh, for instance, distilled white vinegar is made from grain alcohol which as any frat boy can tell you doesn't taste like much. Neither does this [white vinegar] really. I sometime use it if I'm trying to preserve the color of a particular pickle but other than that it's, well, it's best for cleaning windows. |
grain alcohol white vinegar |
Of course then there are wine vinegars. Red wine begets red wine vinegar. White wine begets white wine vinegar sometimes even champagne vinegar. Sherry begets sherry vinegar and on and so forth. |
red wine vinegar |
Now, the one
kind of odd bird here is, of course, balsamic vinegar which is definitely
different. But, most commercial versions are nothing more than red
wine vinegar with some caramel added for flavoring. The real stuff? Well that's another thing all
together. See, the real balsamic vinegar actually begins with high grade white wine vinegar. Then, through a very long and tedious
and did I mention long aging process is miraculously converted into a thick, brown, syrupy, sweet elixir. What does this got to do with pickles? Ha. Absolutely nothing. Stuff makes rotten pickles. |
"Real" Balsamic Vinegar |
Truth is pickle making, I use two vinegars primarily: apple cider vinegar and rice wine vinegar. |
apple cider vinegar |
Now as the name suggests, cider vinegar is made from hard apple cider. And besides its subtle apple flavor I like it because it is very food friendly because it's balanced. Its acidity doesn't overwhelm its sweetness. Another thing I like is that because it's got the same acid level as this white distilled vinegar, I can switch them out for each other in recipes. Gives you a little bit more versatility. |
hard apple cider 5% |
Now, the other vinegar that I'm fond of, rice wine vinegar, is derived as the name would suggest from rice wine. It's a little different, though, because it doesn't really have a flavor of its own, just a subtle sweetness and a very low acidity. That means that it's great for making, well, subtle Asian-style pickles or for cutting the acidity of harsher vinegars in certain pickle recipes. The down side is that you cannot interchange these for any of these other vinegars, okay, because of the lower acidity. |
rice wine vinegar 4.2% |
Same goes for homemade vinegars which are great on salad but due to their unpredictable acidity have no place in pickling. |
don't pickle with |
Okay, end of lecture.
Once opened, a bottle of vinegar will begin to lose its flavor after six months.
GUEST: Paul, Unwitting Test Subject
B.A., Sinister Sibling
As Caesar's legions knew all too well pickles can be produced with straight vinegar and they taste something like this.
PAUL: [eating a straight vinegar pickle]
That is why most of the pickles on this planet are produced with a hybrid liquid, a combination of vinegar, salt, water and sugar. Sure, there are herbs and spices to be dealt with but they must remain shrouded in mystery for the moment. What's important is that the final nature of a pickle is greatly determined by the proportions of these humble elements. |
vinegar |
Water is a crucial pickle
ingredient.
If you don't like the flavor at the tap - use filtered or
bottled water.
Sweet |
Sour |
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For instance, let's say that each of these sterilized jars contains half an onion sliced thin and 2 medium cucumbers sliced thin with either a knife, a V-Slicer or a food processor. |
1/2 a yellow onion |
1/2 a yellow onion |
I happen to like my pickles on the sweet side but sour is the preference of my brother. Why let my, uh, doppelganger into the house? Well, to help me to prove a point that by making miniscule alterations to the pickle's DNA we can produce radically different results. Ironic, don't you think?
We both begin with a cup of water. Besides taking the bite out of vinegar's bite the additional liquid will help keep the infant pickles submerged. |
1 cup H2O |
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We both follow that up with a cup of cider vinegar but my brother also adds half a cup of champagne vinegar. As for the sugar, a cup and a half for me, a measly half cup for him. As usual, we're pushing opposite extremes of the same envelope. Salt, a mere pinch of kosher for me, two tablespoons plus two teaspoons for dark man over there. |
1 cup cider vinegar |
|
1/2 cup champagne vinegar |
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1 1/2 cup sugar |
1/2 cup sugar |
|
pinch of |
2 Tbls + 2 tsp kosher salt |
Now the spicy stuff, whole yellow mustard seeds.
There are two common varieties
of mustard seed: white (yellow)
which are the most common, and brown which are
smaller, but stronger.
The sweets get half a teaspoon, the sours a whole teaspoon. |
1/2 tsp |
1 tsp |
For color and flavor, ground turmeric ...
Like its cousin ginger, turmeric
comes from a rhizome.
But unlike ginger it is almost never sold fresh.
... half a teaspoon for the sweets but a mere quarter for the sours. |
1/2 tsp turmeric |
1/4 tsp turmeric |
Celery seeds ...
Most celery seed comes from
lovage,
a cousin of common celery native to India.
... half a teaspoon for me a full teaspoon for him. |
1/2 tsp |
1 tsp |
Same goes for the pickling spice, a teaspoon for him, a half for me. |
1/2 tsp |
1 tsp |
Pickling Spices: a mixture
of whole or coarsely ground allspice,
bay, cardamom, clove, coriander, ginger
and mustard seed.
Now, we bring this to a boil and then simmer it for a full four minutes just to wake up the flavors. |
bring to boil |
The word "kosher"
added to a pickle means
that garlic has been added to the brine.
Four minutes of TV time is up. It's time to pickle. Oh, I forgot. B.A. over there likes to add 4 cloves of garlic, crushed, straight to the jar. |
4 cloves garlic crushed |
AB: Can we do this now? Thank you.
The trick, now, is to pour very slowly and
very, very gently over the pickles. Now, uh, in about half an hour you may
notice that they have shrunk up enough to take up a little bit more of the
liquid.
But for now, just bring it right up to the
top.
Please do
not splash. And be careful if you have a white counter because this stuff
can stain it. There. Wait until it cools completely, top it off
again and into the refrigerator.
How long will these keep in here? Well, 4 out of the 5
microbes we polled say they can't stand the acidity in the there, but there are a
few strains of mold and yeast that can live in there. So, you really
shouldn't look at beyond 3 months. Personally, I've never kept any longer
than 2 months but they didn't go bad, I, I ate them. Anyway, a good rule
of thumb is if they start to grow fuzz, throw them out. Oh yeah, uh, 3 to
5 inch pickling cucumbers are best for this but anything from, uh, English
cucumbers to even zucchini makes a swell Bread and Butter pickle.
Infusion is a method which works and plays well with others. My brother, for instance, will convert this innocent looking of
half pound of mini-carrots into combustible comestibles he calls, Firecrackers. While I elevate this humble sliced Bartlett pear and red
plum into a cooling dessert pickle possessing hidden talents which I'll release
on the Unabomber when he least expects it.
Summer Fruits |
Firecrackers |
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We start as before with a cup of water and a cup of sugar. |
1 cup H2O |
|
Now, since I'm
building a subtle, yet sweet pickle a cup of rice wine vinegar will be
pressed into service while my brother who can't even spell subtle goes
with a cup and a half of cider vinegar.
AB: Boil'em if you got'em. |
1 cup rice |
suddle 1 1/2 cup cider vinegar |
Gas ranges are rated by
British Thermal Units (BTUs)
or, the heat required to raise the temperature of one pint of H2O by
1°F.
All right,
bring on the flavor packs. My brother's cruel carrots receive a
teaspoon of onion powder—not onion salt—a half teaspoon of mustard
seeds, a teaspoon and a half of kosher salt and a teaspoon of chili
flakes, the fiend. |
1/2 lemon, 1 Tbls 1 sprig mint |
1 tsp 1/2 tsp 1 1/2 tsp 1 tsp |
Now, since I'm not going to be opening up any spices I don't have to wait for this to come to a boil.
Unless whole spices are called
for,
refrigerator pickle brines only need to simmer.
It only has to be hot enough to melt the sugar. So, pour just as we did before, nice and slow and all the way to the top.
Now let this cool down for an hour to two on the counter, then refrigerate for two days to a week before enjoying either alone or with ice cream, heck, even angel food cake. |
cool then refrigerate |
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2 dry |
Now, why a hot infusion? A hot infusion speeds the pickling process but cold infusions have their uses, too. Take, for instance, cauliflower. I mean, come on, let's be honest. Cauliflower just doesn't taste like much. It's one of the reasons it makes great pickles, curried pickles, no less.
Start by
heating a tablespoon of canola oil in a heavy skillet over medium heat. Then, crush a teaspoon of cumin seed along with a teaspoon of
coriander seed. Now, coriander grows up to be cilantro but they
don't even taste remotely alike. Go figure. Add these to the
pan along with a couple of teaspoons of curry powder, a teaspoon of
minced, fresh ginger and a clove of garlic, smashed. Now, cook these stirring often until the oil colors and the kitchen starts to smell like an Indian restaurant then toss in a head's worth of cauliflower florets, washed of course. |
1 Tbls canola 2 tsp curry powder cook until fragrant 1 head cauliflower florets |
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In the mean time, combine a cup of H2O, 1 cup of rice wine vinegar and half a cup of cider vinegar along with 3 tablespoons of sugar and a teaspoon of pickling salt. Place the lid on securely, I might add, and shake to combine. |
1 cup H2O |
|
Once the cauliflower has softened a bit add it to the jar, cool, chill, wait a week for the magic and then serve our grilled lamb which you can check out at www.foodtv.com. |
Leftover pickle brine can be
added to
marinades, salad dressings, or mayonnaise.
While we're on the subject of pickling salt, it's important to note that it is chemically identical to kosher salt. They are both pure salt. Neither has any iodine added or any anti-clumping agents. But there is a distinct physical difference. Pickling salt is a much finer grind than kosher salt and that is relevant to the cook. |
Coarse Kosher Salt |
For instance, pickling salt is great
on popcorn. Kosher salt isn't. Pickling salt will clump up
like a rock on a very humid day. Kosher salt won't. Pickling
salt dissolves quickly and cleanly in cold liquids like our brine over
there. Kosher salt only melts in very, very hot liquids. And, last and by no means least, any given volume of pickling salt
weighs about a third more than the same amount of kosher salt.
For instance, say that you've got a recipe that calls
for 1/4 cup of pickling salt. You think, well that's no problem. I don't have any pickling salt hanging around the house
so, uh, I'll use the same amount of kosher salt. Well, believe it or
not, that is a problem because guess what. That's not apples to apples. In fact, if you have a recipe that calls for a teaspoon of
pickling salt, you need to use a teaspoon and a half of kosher salt.
Americans consume some 20 billion pickles a year.
Well, here we are a week later and we're highly enthused about our infusions.
AB: Why don't you go ahead and try those fruit pickles there.
BA: [tries one]
My secret weapon, of course, the juice. Now that it's all minty and mellow it's good for a lot of things. Heck, throw it on the rocks with some club soda and you've got some nice summer spritzer or you could even, uh, pop it in the ole ice cream maker and sorbet, tangy, sweet, perfect summer dessert.
AB: Beat that.
BA: [pours some of the Firecracker brine into AB's beer]
Well, there's proof. One man's good eats is another man's, ... well, come to think of it that's probably pretty good.
BA: [indicates to try a Firecracker]
AB: Oh, thank you. I will try one. See you next time on Good
Eats. [grimaces,
coughs]
BA: Now that's what I call good eats.
GUEST: Pennsylvania Dutchman
PENNSYLVANIA DUTCHMAN: [shakes finger] |
KEEP YE OUT |
ALONSO: | And Trinculo is reeling ripe:
where should they Find this grand liquor that hath gilded 'em? How camest thou in this pickle? |
TRINCULO: | I have been in
such a pickle since I |
Proof Reading help from Jon Loonin.
Last Edited on 08/14/2012