SCENE 1

    When we first cracked the egg-files we chose to concentrate on isolated applications, keeping the egg safely quarantined. But the time has come to unleash the most potent combination since nitro met glycerin— dairy and eggs. Once combined this duo can be transformed by heat into a creamy quasi-solid possessing infinite versatility.

    Of course, we also call it good eats.

SCENE 2
The Kitchen

GUEST: Shirley O. Corriher, Food Scientist
            Men

    Now, they use it to bind up just about anything from dessert sauces to Renault engines to quiche which is just a fancy-pants name for what we like to call Refrigerator Pie.

    The key to this is to make sure that your layers are even and that there is plenty of room for the royale to get in there and move around. Don't pack it too full but I think I could get a little bit more ingredient in there. You do not want it to come up all the way to the top, though, or the egg mixture will cook right up out of the top.

    Give that a final whisking and then pour it on. The final secret here is to get it very even and to go very slowly. You want the royale to have plenty of room to move around in there. You don't want any air bubbles. You don't want any clumps. It's got to have space. And because it's got eggs in it, it is going to expand in the oven so do not think that you've got to fill this up to the top or you'll have a mess. Of course, if a mess does happen, you've got this on a sheet pan. That will catch any possible mistakes that happen in the oven.

    Now, what forces could possible convert this messy bowl of goo into a disk of lovely goodness? Well, why are you looking at me?  She's the mad food scientist.

AB: Thanks, Shirley.

    Well, 45 minutes has gone by already. Looks done. But, looks can lie. The only way to be sure is to feel. Just push gently. If it feels like said Jell-O, you're there. But if you're really in doubt poke a hole in the middle with a knife, skewer or toothpick—like that—and then push. If liquid comes and gushes up through the hole, it's got more cooking to go. This, however, does not.
    Ah. Whew. Quiche ... oh, sorry, Refrigerator Pie ... is best served, ah, just above room temperature. So let this cool down for at least 15 minutes before you attempt first cut. Now, if you had a big oven and a lot of leftovers you could multiply your one batch of well whisked elixir by, say, oh, 8 and have a party.

MEN: Spam, spam, spam, spam. Spam, spam, spam, spam. Spam, spam, ...
AB: Silence

SCENE 3
Paloma, Spain: 12:41 pm

GUESTS: Custard Lover
             Caramel Fan

    [Alton is reading, "The Big Book of Culinary Lies"] Seventeenth century Spain: a custard lover and a caramel fan are sharing a ride on the cross-town Paloma express when suddenly they encounter a heard of stampeding bulls.

CUSTARD LOVER & CARAMEL FAN: Ooo, aaah, ooo, uuugh, woo ...
BULL: Mooooo.

    As the dust clears, the loan survivor surveys the damage, culinary and otherwise.

CF: Hmm? Mmm.

SCENE 4
The Den

    Thus was born, flan.
    Now, I guess the French thought that flan sounded too much like phlegm because they changed it to crème caramel. But, either way it's a deliciously simple egg custard baked on top of a pool of something that when inverted turns out to be a sauce on top. Now, traditionally that something caramel. But, ever-flexible flan is just as adept at showing off the depth of your pantry as the depth of your custard skills. Introducing the software ...

SCENE 5
The Kitchen

... a roasting or baking pan big enough to comfortably accommodate 8 custard cups with at least a inch to spare all the way around, a glass or stainless steel bowl with a spout, a fine mesh strainer, a small non-reactive saucepan, a kettle of boiling water—and yes, in this case water is hardware—and a whisk. Excuse me.
    You know, these archaic devices are down right indispensable. Have you ever thought about what a whisk really does? Well, it depends on what it's got its tines into. See, the multiplex of thin wires on this balloon whisk are configured to integrate large volumes of air into egg whites, light batters, whipped cream, that kind of thing. The shape is best suited to a bowl. Okay, now the configuration of, say, this French whisk is different. See, it's ideal for working sauces and straight sided pans and it's sturdy enough to thoroughly mix heavier batters, right? Now, this flat roux whisk and this Scandinavian wire whisk are bottom dwellers meant for roux and shallow pan gravies that require some fond{?} scrapping.
    Now, I keep one of these near me at all times. But, if I had to pull a Sophie's choice I'd go with the sturdy balloon whisk with a wide, wooden handle. Why is wider better? Try doing this and get decent RPMs out of a skinny handle. Why wood? It's solid. It won't fill up with water when you wash it.
    Other whisks to avoid, look at this. Flimsy, dumb construction, rust, horrible thing. And this? What is this about? I don't know what it's good for but I know whisking isn't the thing that it's good for.
    By the way, you can use a quality whisk on almost all of today's quality non-stick pans. If you're actually consider buying a pan that says you have to use a special whisk, I'd consider reconsidering ... the pan, not the whisk.

"Put all your eggs in one basket and watch that basket." -Mark Twain

SCENE 6
The Kitchen

    Now, if you're squeamish about separating eggs with your fingers, just wash them and get over it. It's the best tool for the job. Believe me. Now, why would you want to go so far as to separate such a perfect package as an egg? Well, it's got to do with the additional fat that's inside a yolk and the emulsifiers that are inside the yolk. When they converge with the dairy inside the dessert, they will render an incredibly creamy texture. In fact, for any dessert custard I never use more than half the amount of whites as yolks. And in a stirred custard, heck, I don't use any egg whites at all. So, there we go.
    Of course, there are some refugees involved, namely egg whites. If we were making meringues, of course, it would be egg yolks. Either way, you do not want to waste these liquid assets. So, I pour each individual white into a slot in the ice tray and freeze them.

    Why? Well, it's got to do with egg proteins. You see, giving them a good beating at this point helps them to get ready to denature, breaks up some of those bonds that keeps them so darned self-contained. Think of it as a pre-game warm up. Yeah, these are just about ready. You can see they're slightly thicker, they're very foamy and they're not quite as yellow as they used to be. So, time to introduce our blind date contestants.
    The problem here is that we've got something at room temperature and our dairy mixture which is, of course, hot. Just throwing one of these into the other will result in scrambled eggs. Which, granted, is a kind of custard but not the custard we're out for here. In fact, the temperature difference isn't really the problem. It's the speed at which the temperature could change if we were to throw them together. You see, the faster that eggs heat the quicker they are to curdle.

    Now, you may have noticed that there ... that the egg to dairy proportions in this dish are greatly different than those in our refrigerator pie. Why? The reason is sugar.

SCENE 7
MFST

SCENE 8
The Kitchen

    Next step brings the strainer into play. We're going to move the custard one more time into our spouted bowl. Now, why bother straining? Well, if any of the egg did curdle this is going to catch it. No problem. But even if you did manage to keep your temper, there's another reason for staining locked away in the egg itself.

    Now, the fresher the egg the stronger or pronounced the chalazae. Okay? And this thing can't be bought off, alright? You can't whisk it out you can't bake it out. So, unless you like your custard chunky-style you're either going to have to strain it out or wait it out. Cause indeed as the egg ages the chalazae will dissolve. The problem is so will the membrane around the yolk and that will render the egg almost un-separable.

The fresher the egg, the more pronounced the chalazae.

SCENE 9
The Kitchen

    Now, evenly distribute your mixture. And go a little short on the first pass. The reason is is that if you try to fill them all the way up this pass you will run out before you get to the end, I promise.

    The point here is to come right up the side of the ramekins, but just up almost to the same level as the liquid in the cups but not quite all the way. There. Now, carefully slide your rack in.

    Now, why the water?

SCENE 10
Test Track

    Because, it's a long, long trip to custard and how you travel it matters. Now since we scalded that mixture before pouring it, it's already hot but it's got a long way to go to become custard. How far?

    Now, there are a couple of different ways to make the trip. Now, let's say we crank up our oven to 400 degrees and we just put our custards on a metal pan and slide them right in there. Oh, yeah. We're going to reach that sweet spot real fast. [crash]  Another custard lost to demon speed.
    We'll try again. This time let's go with a 350 degree oven. Moderate. And we're going to add that hot water to the pan. Now since water heats so much slower than either metal or air and since it's, at least at sea level, can not exceed 212 degrees. It will act as a built in insulator allowing heat to slowly move in and set that custard so that now we've got perfect control. Ah, ha. It would seem that low and slow is definitely the way to go with custard.
    Now you'll notice that I stopped just shy of the mark. Why? Carry-over my friend. The temperature is going to go up another degree or two by the time you get those custards out of the pan.
    Now speaking of the setting point, what is it? Well, I can't tell you. That's because the slower you get to it, the lower it gets. Literally. The setting temperature goes down the slower you cook the custard. Pretty cool, huh? Of course, custards don't come with pop-up thermometers so how do you know when they are done?

SCENE 11
The Kitchen

    Cooked custards wobble but they don't fall down. They also don't ripple like, you know, a rock dropped into a pond. They just kind of shake back and forth like that. Now if you are not a 100 percent sure, just take the tip of a sharp paring knife and insert it about half way between the edge of the cup and the center of the custard. About there. If it comes out clean, then it's time to evacuate.

    The towel will soak up any water and prevent any spin-outs. Now, let these cool on the counter then wrap tightly and chill and serve whenever. As for this scald waiting to happen [pan of water], just turn off the oven and come back for it when it's cooled.

Before 1600, "custard" referred to a pie's crust, not its filling.

SCENE 12
The Living Room

    Ah, luscious love from below. Now, um, I kind of like desserts that I can hold and eat at the same time, mmm, I'm kind of greedy that way. But, uh, if you really do want something that looks more sophisticated and, well, just plain taller, here's a little restaurant trick you can try. Just take your flan and take your sharpest paring knife and run it right down the side of the ramekin, flat against the side. And then turn the bowl. Do not move the knife. Just keep it pressed against the edge and turn the bowl until you've made it all the way around once. There you go. Then, plate on top, secure with thumbs and fingers and give it a good whomp. Liquid love.
    Now, we hope we've sparked your appetite for and your interest in the culinary alchemy that is baked custard. But granted, we've just scratched the surface here and we expect you'll do some exploration on your own.

    Stick to these and I promise your next custard will be ... you know.

Last Edited on 08/27/2010