Announcer: Today on Martha Stewart Living ...
Crisp Irish linens, savory corn beef and cabbage, and hot buttery
scones: the charming old world traditions of the Emerald Isle. Here in
America we honor Saint Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland, by donning
green, gaily parading, and getting crocked out of our gourds. I'm Martha
Stewart. Join me today on "Living" where I'll show you some innovative
ways to class up this unbelievably trashy holiday.
These popular novelty buttons are poorly constructed and
[Holds up a button saying "Irish women
do it for Guinness"] I'll show you how to make a tasteful
Saint Patrick's Day ornament with home made paper and a piece of hand
hewn leather. I used my calligraphy set to craft this folksy label pin.
It says Canigahadagragaba which is Gallic for, "You must be Irish
because my penis is Dublin." It's both quaint and humorous.
Nothing says St. Patty's in America like putting Kelly Green
food coloring into everything from potato salad to piss water beer.
We'll use basil clippings from my herb garden to make an all-natural
flavorful dye. It not only tints beer this rich emerald color, it also
lends a refreshing aroma to the inevitable post-parade curb-side barf.
[takes a sip] Mmm. And who can
resist making out with a green-tongued stranger.
[sticks her green tongue out and winks]
And of course, St. Patrick'S celebrations are the ideal time
to put all your favorite green vintage house wares to use. I patina-d
this copper kettle and added a decorative handle to make it look like a
traditional Leprechaun's pot of gold. It makes the perfect receptacle
for public urination. It's really such more elegant than relieving
yourself against a police car.
So join me later today for a very special "Living" when I try
to inject a little decorum into this potato grubbing, ass grabbing,
street brawl of a holiday. Because Saint Patrick's Day isn't just for
the Irish. It's also for Dirt Baggy alcoholics everywhere ... and that's
a good thing.
[Irish music begins to play
and Martha does a jig]
LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!