The Delicious Dish: Christmas Balls

Delicious Dish on NPR

Margaret Jo McCullen ... Ana Gasteyer
Teri Rialto ... Molly Shannon
Pete Schweddy ... Alec Baldwin

Margaret Jo McCullen: Hello. I'm Margaret Jo McCullen.

Teri Rialto: And I'm Teri Rialto.

Margaret Jo McCullen: And you're listening to ...

Together: ... The Delicious Dish, on National Public Radio.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Now, Teri, it's Christmas season again, our favorite time of year.

Teri Rialto: That's right, Margaret Jo. Holiday time is when the most wonderful culinary wishes can come true. Now, what's on your list this holiday season, Margaret Jo?

Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, Teri, I really got greedy this year. I'm asking Kris Kringle for a wooden bowl, some oversized index cards, and a funnel.

Teri Rialto: Ooooh, a funnel! That'll be great for funneling!

Margaret Jo McCullen: I know. I feel like a glutton! What's on your list, Teri?

Teri Rialto: Well, I'm only asking Santa for one thing - a big box of glue traps to help me deal with my excessive rat problem? Now tell me, um, are you, Margaret Jo, going to leave any treats out for Santa this year?

Margaret Jo McCullen: Oh, absolutely, I always do! I like to leave Santa some tap water and rice. If Santa's anything like me, Christmas foods really reek havoc on the ole digestive system. What are you going to leave, Teri?

Teri Rialto: Uh, I can't ever leave food out in my apartment because I have an excessive rat problem.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Makes sense.

Teri Rialto: Good times.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Neat.

Teri Rialto: Good times.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Good times. It's neat.

Teri Rialto: Well, Christmas is a time for traditional foods and bite-size treats, and we have a very special guest today.

Margaret Jo McCullen: That's right, Teri. He's the owner of his own holiday bakery with a very, very cleaver name, Season's Eatings.

Teri Rialto: [laughs] That's really funny!

Margaret Jo McCullen: I know. It rhymes with Season's Greetings!

Teri Rialto: Please welcome the owner of Season's Eatings, Pete Schweddy.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Welcome. How are you?

Teri Rialto: Welcome, Pete.

Margaret Jo McCullen: We like the name of your store.

Pete Schweddy: [pulls up to his mike] Hi. Thanks for having me.

Teri Rialto: Now, did I pronounce your name correctly?

Pete Schweddy: You sure did, Pete Schweddy.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, Pete, Teri and I have been looking forward to having you on the show, 'cause we know you're the master of all kinds of Christmas goodies. Tell us about them.

Pete Schweddy: Well, there are lots of great treats this time of year: Zucchini Bread, Fruitcake. But the thing that I most like to bring out this time of the year are my balls.

Teri Rialto: Mmm ... mmmm, balls. Mmm. Tell us about your balls, Pete.

Pete Schweddy: Well, over at Season's Eatings, we have balls for every taste. Popcorn Balls, Cheese Balls, Rum Ball, you name it.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Wow! My mouth's watering just thinking about those balls!

Teri Rialto: It's been years since I've seen any balls.

Pete Schweddy: Would you like to see my balls now?

Margaret Jo McCullen: Yeah.

Teri Rialto: Yeah. Whip them out.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Whip them out, baby.

[Pete places a tray of balls on the table]

Teri Rialto: Mmm. Wow. You have some beautiful balls.

Margaret Jo McCullen: They're bigger than I expected.

Pete Schweddy: I know. A lot of people tell me that.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Look at that, Teri, the way they glisten.

Pete Schweddy: That's because I make sure that each one of my balls gets plenty of oil.

Margaret Jo McCullen: I can't help but, notice, Pete, your balls are a little misshapen.

Pete Schweddy: That's because I rested them on a hot stove for too long.

Teri Rialto: Can I touch your balls.

Pete Schweddy: Go ahead. But be careful, they're very delicate.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Wow. I can't wait to get my mouth around this ball.

Teri Rialto: [sniffing] Ooh, I like the way your balls smell.

Pete Schweddy: Do whatever you want to them, ladies. My balls are here for your pleasure.

Margaret Jo McCullen: [chewing] Wow, Pete, I have to say your balls are so tender.

Pete Schweddy: Well, there's no beating my balls. They're made from a secret Schweddy Family recipe. No one can resist my Schweddy Balls.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Mmm.

Teri Rialto: Great balls.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Mmm ... good balls. Nothing like a Schweddy Ball.

Teri Rialto: Schweddy Balls.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Good times.

Teri Rialto: Good times.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Mmm.

Teri Rialto: Neat.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Mmm.

Teri Rialto: Mmm. Oh. Hello ... Our producer, Glen, is gesturing to us from the technician's booth, and it looks like he ... Oh, very good. He's telling us to wrap it up.

Margaret Jo McCullen: I guess that's all the time we have today, Teri. So, join us next week when our topic will be that other holiday favorite ...

Margaret Jo & Teri: ... Fragrant, Salty Nuts.

Pete Schweddy: A quick plug! If you order from Season's Eatings now, you can still send out a special Schweddy Ball Sack in time. [places a gift bag on the table]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Ooo. Great idea. My niece would love a Sack of Schweddy Balls ...

[closing music and fade out]

Hit Counter

Last Edited: 08/27/2010