SCENE 1
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| Now we will require 4.75 ounces by weight of both AP and whole wheat flour. Now that's about a cup for you volumetric types. Anyway, I think that using a little whole wheat flour contributes a kind of earthiness that'll counterbalance some of the extra sugar that we're having to use. |
4.75 Ounces Each All-Purpose Flour & Whole Wheat Flour |
| Now speaking of sugar, we will need 3 tablespoons primarily because we want extra browning and crispiness on the outside of the waffle, and a teaspoon of kosher salt. |
3 Tbs. Sugar + 1 tsp. Kosher Salt |
| Next, the leavening: 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda and a teaspoon of baking powder. Now that combination will give the batter an initial boost which will help to thicken it, which is good. And then, because we're using double-acting baking powder, we'll get a second hit of CO2 once the temperature inside the waffle hits 120 degrees. And that, of course, is going to give us a nice, fluffy interior. |
1/2 tsp. Baking Soda 1 tsp. Baking Powder |
| Now let us turn our attention to the wet works. In another larger bowl, say, one and a half quarts, beat 3 eggs smooth and drizzle in 2 ounces of melted butter and whisk it until thoroughly combined. Now by adding the fat to the eggs before introducing any other water-type liquids, we'll create a smooth batter, because we're making an emulsion. Why? [holds his hand to his ear] I think I heard someone at home say, "lipoproteins". Very, very good! Thanks to the lipoproteins found in eggs, both the fat in the butter and the liquid in the buttermilk to come will have something to grab hold of, and that'll make for a smoother batter. |
3 Whole Eggs 2 Ounces Unsalted Butter, Melted |
| So, now 16 ounces—that's one pint—of room-temperature buttermilk. Now just beat that smooth. It won't take long because the lipoproteins. | 16 Ounces Buttermilk |
Now it is time to introduce the wet goods to the dry goods. But first, did you
plug in your waffle iron? Hmmm. Because if you haven't, this would be a darn
good time to do it. You got it? Okay.
Now, we always dump the wet ingredients on top of the dry ingredients because
otherwise the flour would just kind of fly all over the place. And you might
want to get rid of the whisk which will quickly turn into a club, and get
yourself a spatula, better for the folding. Now, as is true with all muffin
method mixtures, over-mixing is the major cause of malfunctions. That's because
more mixing produces more gluten which will make waffles more suited to, I
don't know, being on the bottom of your tennis shoes than being on your
breakfast plate.
[finished mixing] There. Now just walk away. Just walk away. Walk away.
Move away. No,
really, walk away. I know. It's got lumps in it. It's got
funny-looking little bubbles in it. But trust me, it'll all work out during a
nice five-minute rest. And we're going to leave it alone for five minutes to
thicken up.
Kidney stew served on waffles is a traditional
Sunday feast in Baltimore,
Maryland.
GUEST: Thing
Before battering up, you want to give your waffle iron a quick spritz with
non-stick spray, even if you have a non-stick waffle iron, because it will
ensure good browning and proper release.
Now you ...
THING: [holds out a container of oil]
Oh. Why couldn't you use regular oil? Well, I ... oh, let's take a field trip.
Although they've only been around since the late 1950's, aerosol cooking sprays
are definitely the lube of choice in American kitchens. Now they are loved by health pundits who believe that they are a healthy alternative to
traditional mediums like shortening and butter. But they are despised by
gourmets who really reject the magical mists, suggesting that a spritz of extra
virgin olive oil would do the exact same thing. And to that, I say, "Unh unh".
Let's take a moment to examine the contents of these
canisters. Each of these brands contains either soy or canola oil, which makes
perfect sense when you consider that they are both very fine lubricants. They're cheap, and they have
almost no flavor. They also all contain propellants of some type, such as, let's
see, isobutane or propane, very small amounts. A few of them contain flour,
which is very, very nice for baking muffins, cakes, and what-not. A few contain
alcohol, which keeps the mixture clear and prevents it from foaming up, which
is okay.
But the miracle ingredient in all of these is lecithin. Now lecithin is
a natural emulsifier found in eggs and soybeans. When mixed with oil, it's a
very effective surfactant. That means that it helps the fat spread out evenly
in a very, very thin layer, and it keeps the oil and the moisture from the
cooking food from getting in each other's way. And that is why I use this stuff
on my waffle iron.
The one thing that I don't really like about these is that
they often claim to be a gateway to zero-fat cooking. How can that be, when the
contents of this canister are almost 100% fat? Well, the government says that if
the fat content of a recommended serving is 0.5 grams or less, then the
manufacturer can simply round it down to zero, okay? Well, how much is a
recommended dose, so to speak? [sprays a bit into the air] About that much,
which really isn't enough to properly prep a waffle iron. All the
same, I really can't think of much bad to say about the stuff. [walks away,
slips, and falls] All right, maybe one thing.
Now while I'm at it, I'm also going to lightly lube my one and a half-ounce
scoop which I think is perfect for this. Actually, I'm going to use two of
these for one seven-inch waffle. And just to guarantee evenness, I'm going to
use the back of the scoop to kind of round off the batter, like that, to about
an inch from the edge. Then the lid goes down.
Now, patience is required. No matter what you see, hear, or smell, do not open
that lid until the waffle iron beeps and tells you that it's time to open it.
How long will that take? Well, it kind of depends on your waffle iron. Mine has
a little doneness setting that ranges between one and seven. Since I really
don't have any place in my world for floppy, moist, soft waffles, I always keep
mine on the hottest setting, seven, which will also give me the fastest rebound
time when it comes to making more waffles.
Always open gently. Now that is a waffle. Now, if there is ever going to be any
overflow, it's usually going to be right in the front. I don't mind it, but you
can always trim it off and feed it to the dog if that's what you want to do.
Waffles, anybody?
THING: [grabs the plate]
Hence, the waffler's dilemma. A
machine like this really just makes one waffle at a time. How do you get around
that? Well, you could make a lot of waffles, and stockpile them in a warm oven. Simply
keep them covered with aluminum foil until you are ready to serve.
Of course, the other answer to the dilemma is simply to use two, side-by-side
waffle irons. That way, you can just constantly produce them all the live long
day. But there is something to keep in mind: a good waffle iron will be rated
for 1000 watts, and at 120 volts, that means that each one of these, when in
peak performance, will be pulling 8.3 amps. Now, the average kitchen household breaker is only 15 amps.
This is 16.6. So, you'll have to separate your
irons, and use them on two different circuits. Still worth it.
The Belgian waffle made its international
debut at the 1964 World's Fair in New
York.
Although butter and maple syrup—Amber, Grade B—are darn fine waffle toppings, they're not actually my favorites. Nope. My favorite waffle topping is, absolutely, fried chicken. Just make up some waffles and cook up some fried chicken, hopefully from a recipe you got off of this program.
CHICKEN: Fry some more.
Exactly. Then, here's the secret: you toss the chicken
in your favorite hot sauce, then you put it on the waffle, and then you smother
the whole thing in Grade B Amber syrup. Now this is a southern thing; sometimes
it's a, you know, Pennsylvania Dutch thing. And if it's a Pennsylvania Dutch
thing for you, then you'll probably want to use brown gravy. I don't see why
you'd ever want to do that, because this is good eats. Mmmm.
Hey, guess what? Here's something that the toaster waffle industry doesn't want
you to know: you can make your own frozen waffles. That's right. Just cook them
up the way you normally would, only if you can, set your waffle iron to medium,
so they're not quite as crispy, and then you just cool them on a towel, or on a
cooling rack, and then bag 'em, tag 'em, and freeze 'em for up to six months.
To bring them back, all you have to do is stick them in your old toaster, just
like the store-bought ones. With a stash like this on hand, well, the sky's the
limit. You could make peanut butter and jelly waffle sandwiches at a moment's
notice, or maybe chocolate-covered waffles, or ... Oh, chocolate waffles. Heh, heh. I almost forgot about those.
| Start with seven ounces of all-purpose flour. That's about a cup and a half. Add to that 1.75 ounces of sugar—about three tablespoons—1.5 ounces of cocoa powder—about half a cup—one teaspoon of baking powder, one teaspoon of salt, and half a teaspoon of baking soda. Just whisk that to combine thoroughly. |
7 Ounces All-Purpose Flour 1.75 Ounces Sugar 1.5 Ounces Cocoa Powder 1 tsp. Salt 1 tsp. Baking Powder 1/2 tsp. Baking Soda |
| Meanwhile, three eggs will go into a bowl, along with two ounces of unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled. Beat that thoroughly, and then add 16 ounces of buttermilk at room temperature, and last, but not least, one teaspoon of pure vanilla extract. |
3 Whole Eggs 2 Ounces Unsalted Butter, Melted 16 Ounces Buttermilk 1 tsp. Pure Vanilla Extract |
| Then it's time to introduce the wet works to the dry works. Mix thoroughly, but not too thoroughly, and then add, last, but not least, four ounces of chocolate chips—that's about three quarters of a cup. | 4 Ounces Chocolate Chips |
Load up your waffle iron just as with our other mixture, and allow them to cook, and I find that the higher setting works better. As far as service goes, well, you can go with butter and syrup, but I find that vanilla ice cream is better.
GUEST: Policeman
Well, I hope we've inspired you to spend a little quality time with your
gridiron. By tinkering with your batter, you'll be surprised with what you can
come up with.
POLICEMAN: [outside door off camera] Mr. Brown, this is the police. Open up.
Ahem. For instance, in 1971, a track coach named Bill Bowerman poured liquid
rubber into his wife's waffle iron, and glued the resulting grid onto a pair of
running shoes he'd been working on.
POLICEMAN: Mr. Brown, we know you've got waffles in there.
Bowerman was trying to create a shoe with low mass, but with great traction, and
he had a hunch that the answer lay in the high surface-to-mass ratio of the
waffle grid.
POLICEMAN: You have to open up.
Heh, heh, heh. The shoes worked pretty good.
POLICEMAN: Alright, boys, go and open ...
So they named them after the fleet-of-foot Greek goddess of victory, Nike.
POLICEMAN: We're coming in, Mr. Brown.
[AB puts bends down to put on the shoes and rises up as the Waffler]
THE WAFFLER: I'm "The Waffler". See you next time on Good Eats. Ha ha ha ha.
["The Waffler" throws a waffle Ninja style and it hits a doll which falls]
Transcribed by Michael Roberts
Proofread by Michael Menninger
Last Edited on 02/01/2007