|
|
| This guy goes into his dentist's office, because something is wrong
with
his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Wow! That
plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly
completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?" "Well... the only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it... Hollandaise sauce she called it... and doctor, I'm talkin' DELICIOUS! I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything ... meat, fish, toast, vegetables ... you name it!" "That's probably it," replied the dentist "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as thought I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time." "Why chrome?" the man asked. "Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!" |
| Gary Kasparov and Bobby Fischer meet up by chance in the lobby of a
large fancy hotel. They both had been drinking on a cold December night
and they sat down in the lobby to talk about their lives. Well, Gary and Bobby are not quiet drunks, so the conversation got quite involved, and revolved mostly on which gambit was better and what the best end move strategeries were. Well, this hotel had the rooms ring the lobby, so people started to come out of their rooms and see what the rhubarb was about. But no one was upset at being woke up from their slumber. For who doesn't enjoy chess nuts boasting in an open foyer? |
| There lived a man who was very unhappy because he was deeply in love
with a girl who didn't know he was alive. In desperation, he visited a
coven of witches who lived nearby and presented his case before them. Touched by his tale of woe, and impressed with the young man's appearance, manner, and bearing, they decided to help him. They worked their magic and eventually presented the young man with several small objects that looked like capsules. "Bury these under the window of your beloved under a full moon and she will love you," they instructed. Doubtful, the young man resolved nevertheless to do as the witches instructed. On the very next full moon, he stealthily made his way over to his beloved's house and carefully buried the capsules in the rich loam beneath her window. Nothing happened right away, but, trusting the wisdom of the old ladies, he went home to see what the next day would bring. The next morning, he walked hopefully over to the girl's house and rang her doorbell. She opened the door, saw it was him, and grabbed him. She hugged him, kissed him, and invited him in for lunch. Their courtship was short but passionate, and within a month they were happily married. Late one night after they had been married, the young man visited the coven again. "I just want to thank you ladies for your help. My life is everything I could have desired." "No problem, dearie," said one of the old ladies. "After all, nothing says lovin' like something from the coven, and pills buried says it best." |
| A man is a bus driver on Sesame Street and insists on meeting all of
his riders. At the first stop, two overweight women
got on the bus; both are named Patty. At the next stop, a mentally
challenged boy named Ross got on. At the final
stop, a disgusting man named Lester Freeze got on, took off his shoes, and
picked at his bunions. When the bus driver got home, his wife asked him if he met anyone new that day. He said, "Two obese Patties, special Ross; Lester Freeze picks his bunions on a Sesame Street bus." |
| Nick's Cafe was having a bad year. So, to boost profits, Nick decided
to
sell small packets of coffee which he introduced as Nick's 100% Gourmet
Ground. To cut cost, he included chicory and was sure that no-one would
notice. Big Hoss came by one day and bought some. After drinking the brew, he was hospitalized due to a severe reaction to chicory. Once recovered, Hoss went to see his lawyer. After telling his story, the lawyer asked him if he still had the remains of the coffee. But alas, Hoss did not. The lawyer refused to represent Big Hoss as they didn't have the grounds
|