The Delicious Dish: Weiners

Delicious Dish on NPR

Margaret Jo McCullen ... Ana Gastyer
Lynn Vershad ... Rachel Dratch
Pete Schweddy ... Alec Baldwin
Caller ... Chris Parnell

Margaret Jo McCullen: Hello. I'm Margaret Jo McCullen.

Lynn Vershad: And I'm Lynn Vershad.

Together: And you're listening to .. The Delicious Dish ... on National Public Radio.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Now, listeners, don't adjust your radio sets, you heard right. Teri Rialto has left to pursue her dream of opening up a yogurt factory. We're real proud of her, and we're going to miss her. But we have a new co-host here on the Delicious Dish, and she's a real firecracker. Say hi, Lynn.

Lynn Vershad: [shyly] Hi.

Margaret Jo McCullen: And, of course, those of you listening in northeast Minnesota already know Lynn, from her last show "Use Your Noodle". Such a groundbreaking show, Lynn, I loved it.

Lynn Vershad: Oh, thank you.

Margaret Jo McCullen: You're welcome.

Lynn Vershad: You know, Wayzana Tribune called it the "most innovative public-supporterd pasta-related radio cooking show since Get Ready, Get Set, Spaghetti!

Margaret Jo McCullen: Absolutely, ditto to that, we were really lucky to steal you away, Lynn!

Lynn Vershad: Well, I really felt like I had taken pasta as far as it would go.

Margaret Jo McCullen: I know what you mean. I got so burned out on dried figs in the late 80's, that I've never gone back.

Lynn Vershad: I'm so, so sorry.

Margaret Jo McCullen: It's okay. It's neat.

Lynn Vershad: Fun, yeah.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Good times. Dried fruit.

Lynn Vershad: Yeah. Well, M. J., Spring has sprung, and that mean the return of the great American pastime - baseball.

Margaret Jo McCullen: And, of course, no baseball season would be complete without the culinary traditions of the ballpark.

Lynn Vershad: Mmm, that's right, M. J. And joining us to talk about them is someone whom I understand is an old friend of the Delicious Dish - Mr. Pete Scweddy.

[Pete takes his seat behind the microphone]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Hi, Pete. Welcome back.

Pete Schweddy: Hi, there.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Now, Pete, I hear that the only thing you love more than cooking, is the great game of baseball.

Pete Schweddy: Oh, yes. Sometimes, when I'm in the stands, I get so fired up and out of control, I've been known to boo the other team.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Ooh ... I'd want to steer clear of that.

Pete Schweddy: For sure.

Lynn Vershad: Now, Pete, you've gained quite a reputation as the king of stadium-cooked cuisine.

Pete Schweddy: That's right. I'm proud to say I've won great acclaim for my takes on popcorn, crackerjacks, and pretzel bread. But I think what I am most known for is my weiner.

Margaret Jo McCullen: your weiner. Wow. You don't say.

Pete Schweddy: I sure do. Would you like to see it?

Margaret Jo McCullen: Please. Please. [Pete pulls out a tray of weiners] Wow ...

Pete Schweddy: Is that some weiner, or what?

Margaret Jo McCullen: Yeah, it's a doozy, Pete.

Lynn Vershad: Now, is that a foot-long, or ... ?

Pete Schweddy: [chuckles] You flatter me!

Margaret Jo McCullen: I have to say, Pete, that's a very thick one, too.

Pete Schweddy: I'd have to say it's almost as thick as it is long.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Now, I can smell your wiener from here.

Pete Schweddy: Well, that is thanks to the Schweddy Family recipe. There's no escaping the aroma of a Schweddy Family weiner.

Lynn Vershad: It, um ... it really does glistne, doesn't it?

Pete Schweddy: Uh, yeah, it's the weiners folks can't seem to keep out of their mouthes.

Lynn Vershad: Well, then I bet it's a big hit with the kids.

Pete Schweddy: Oh, yes, indeed. There's nothing quite like the look on a child's face the moment he gets a hold of his own Schweddy weiner.

[call lines start to light up]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Wow, Lynn. the switchboard's really lighting up! We'll take your calls in a moment. But, first, I want to get my mouth around that weiner!

Pete Schweddy: Be my guest. Both of you ladies please have a go at it.

[Margaret Jo and Lynn grab a Schweddy weiner]

Lynn Vershad: Hmm ... I'm not sure I can handle this much meat ...

Pete Schweddy: Well, you really don't have to put the whole thing in your mouth at once.

Lynn Vershad: Maybe we can cut it half?

Pete Schweddy: I'd rather you didn't!

Margaret Jo McCullen: Wow, Pete, this peiner ... [stifles her laughter] A little verbal diarrhea ... This weiner's so plump and firm. The weiners I'm accustomed to are usually wrinkled and gray. The phones are really going crazy - is it okay if we take a call?

Pete Schweddy: Oh, be my guest.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Okay. [presses call button] Delicious Dish. You're on the air.

Lynn Vershad: Do you have a question for Pete Schweddy?

Caller: [breathing heavily] Yeah! Tell me about your weiner, Pete!

Pete Schweddy: Well, what would you like to know?

Caller: Do you touch it!

Pete Schweddy: Well, sure, I'm very hands-on with the famous Schweddy weiner.

Caller: Are you touching it now!

Pete Schweddy: Uh ... no, I'm not. The ladies are enjoying my weiner right now, actually. Any other waurions?

Caller: [moans exuberantly] Nooooooo, I'm all done ... ! Thanks ... ! [hangs up]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, thanks for calling.

Lynn Vershad: [eating the weiner] Mmm ... I just can't keep your weiner out of my mouth.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Mmm-mmm ... it's delicious!

Lynn Vershad: [starts choking on the weiner]

Margaret Jo McCullen: Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

Pete Schweddy: What's wrong?

Margaret Jo McCullen: I think Lynn's gagging on your weiner ...

Pete Schweddy: Bend her over! Bend her over!

Margaret Jo McCullen: [pushes Lynn forward] Just relax your throat, Lynn! Just relax!

Pete Schweddy: [pats Lynn's back] Let it slide out.

[Lynn cough the weiner out of her throat]

Margaret Jo McCullen: You alright?

Lynn Vershad: Boy ... that was scary for a minute ... but ... if I had to gag on a weiner, I'm glad it was yours, Pete.

Pete Schweddy: Well, I'm glad my Schwddy weiner didn't disappoint you.

Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, that's all the time we have here on the Delicious Dish. Join us next week, when our guest will be ...

Together: Freddie S. and his Donut Holes!

Hit Counter

Last Edited: 08/27/2010